In the Bouledogues mess, newcomer Nigel Stosham stood on a chair and embellished on his recent exploits to the pilots gathered around him. As he spoke he could see they were all glued to his every word. He could tell they were amazed but not that they had any difficulty understanding him.
(Nigel’s performance in the recent rescue of a Belgian spy had caught the attention of the French High Command. In an effort to strengthen relations with the RFC and bring in a true hero to bolster the French Bouledogues, Lt. Stosham was transferred to serve with the French unit.)
He babbled on about a school of kippers, flying through a storm in a teacup, brass monkeys up in the clouds… To most of the Bouledogues, who’s English wasn’t the best, all of this was like trying to decipher Chinese through an Indian through a Scot.
Then, Maurice Rodde entered the mess and Nigel fell silent.
Saving Nigel from the awkward moment, Oncle’s voice could be heard bellowing down the hall, “Stosham, Rodde, in my office, now”.
“So how did you find yourselves in the middle of a German flying school”? Oncle shook his head from side to side. “Your assignment put you over seventy five kilometres north of there”.
“Well, it was like this”, Maurice Rodde started. “We were on our way to the mission location. No problem with any enemy or the weather, at first. We got behind their lines with no trouble. From what I could ascertain when we were about fifty kilometers from the target, I noticed a trio of enemy scouts closing in on us from behind.
I let Nigel know and he panicked. He flew us straight into a thunderstorm! We were in there for God knows how long. It’s a miracle we got out alive”.
A flustered Nigel butted in, “First of all when, ‘I’ spotted the enemy following us we were only thirty or so miles from the target. Fifty! Harrumph! No wonder you’re an observer. And there was no panic. No panic whatsoever. Outnumbered three to one, our only hope was to not be there. I flew, under control, into the clouds and the cowardly Hun didn’t follow us in”.
“I kept us in the hidden clouds for a few minutes until the Hun had left. There were some, ahem, strong breezes in there and we were blown a little off course. Other than that there were no worries”
Rodde’s eyes nearly popped out of his head! “A few minutes? No worries? More like half an hour, and those breezes, more like a damned cyclone, nearly tore our Caudron apart. Good thing I had my Rosary Beads with me to pray our way through it all. It was so dark in the storm we were lucky to have lightening to show you the gaps in the clouds to get out!”
“A little backbone was all that was needed in the situation”, Nigel sputtered. “Good thing I had the one between us. It wasn’t from any loss of control that we ended up where we did. The compass doesn’t work in the clouds, everyone knows that”. Nigel’s eyes were dashing back and forth from Oncle to Rodde. “Once we were out in the clear, that was where our real threat was and my expert flying skills got us out of that mess too”.
Oncle rapped his pipe on his desk. “Enough. Rodde, what happened once out of the clouds?”
“Well, I could tell what direction we needed to fly to get home by the sun so I pointed to it for Nigel’s benefit. That’s when we were set upon by the German pilots. Don’t know why by Nigel flew us straight at the first one. Not the shortest route home by the least”.
“As we closed my burst must have thrown off the German and his rounds went wide. Then the fool almost crashed into us. I didn’t know at the time they were student pilots but now I see why his flying was so bad. Once past us I gave him another taste of lead”.
Nigel, a little flushed, in a higher voice spat out, “I turned into the Hun so you could get a clean shot. If I hadn’t maneuvered just right, you never would have hit him”.
“I then had to turn at the next Hun to line up your gun but even then you missed. This wouldn’t do in the RFC”, Nigel lifted his chin.
“Pfffft. I didn’t shoot at the ‘next Hun’ as I was still engaging with the first. If I hadn’t we would have been in deeper trouble”.
“Well, if you would have just shot down the bugger things would have been a lot easier”, Nigel snapped.
“Well, if you weren’t shaking so much, a firmer hand on the controls would have given me a steady plane to shoot from and he would have gone down”, Rodde snapped back.
“And then you flew right into the guns of the second German. Brilliant flying there mate, you got both of them hitting us at the same time”.
Nigel’s eyes widened, “You, you, you wouldn’t know maneuvers that gave us an advantage from being a fish in a barrel”.
Rodde hissed, “Fish in a barrel, they must have thought us made like rats”. (If I found this correctly, an equivalent saying to ‘fish in a barrel’ in French is, Ils sont faits comme des rats. (They are made like rats.))
Nigel cleared his throat, “And rather quickly neither were shooting at us and we were past them both thanks to me. You’re forgetting how to shoot was at quite an in-opportune time”.
“And when you did remember shoot again, I saw no effect”.
“I guess you turned away when I downed the Hun eh? I plugged the poor Kraut pretty good”.
“Er, ah well, yes, yes, you did down that one quite nicely didn’t you. Good show”.
(The 2nd German had flown out of contact so two more were brought in)
“Unfortunately some nasty looking clouds were to the north so I had to turn us to face the enemy again”, Nigel brought his eyebrows down to his eyes. “Two more appeared out of nowhere to have a go at us”.
Rodde looked to Oncle, “I did get in a shot but my gun jammed again. These Lewis guns are so prone to jamming it will be the death of us yet”, Rodde tilted his head towards Nigel.
“Yes, I noticed you fidgeting with that damned gun so I had to fly very close to one of the Hun while avoiding the other’s guns”. Nigel relaxed a bit regaining some composure.
“Once they were out of position it looked like we had a chance to throw them off but their faster scouts caught back up to us”.
“If these were pilots in training, you have to give them credit, they had some pluck. One came in at us so excited he didn’t even fire! Then he flew along side us, quite strange”, Nigel stroked his chin.
“Nigel, he was clearing a jam. Poor fool flew right in front of us so I put in a few more holes to worry him”, Rodde added.
“Too bad you didn’t stay the course, I would have had another go at him then and there”.
“But if you had and I did, I wouldn’t have seen the one coming in from the south. I riddled that Fokker pretty good thanks to the good angle of fire you gave me”, Rodde tipped his head to Nigel.
“Then your next turn gave me another shot when he cleared our tail. Lined him up and…
that old Fokker couldn’t hold together. Not what you should send trainees up in!”
“So then you headed back across the lines”? Oncle asked.
Nigel spoke again, “Not quite. They weren’t done with us yet. That second fellow in the CDL Fokker who had flown off earlier came back for another go, and the camo one still wanted to have at it. Rodde changed that Hun’s attitude when he plugged him”. (Finally remembered to use his itchy trigger finger!)
“They both lined us up and lucky for us their practice ammo isn’t top notch. Only the camo one had any success shooting. No wonder the CDL had flown off before, he was useless for his wingman”, Rodde chuckled.
“Then that CDL boy tried to ram us”!
“I turned off to avoid him so no need to have worried”, Nigel calmy interjected. “He wouldn’t get a second chance as I again got us into a cloud for safety”.
Rodde, a bit irritated, threw in, “You didn’t see the camo Fokker reverse and start shooting at us”?
“As I said, I got us into a cloud for safety and we were done with them”, Nigel quickly added. “After an easy minute or two in the mist we came out and headed home”.
Rodde started to open his mouth but Oncle wouldn’t let him speak. “Nigel, well done, dismissed”.
Nigel stood, saluted and strode out of Oncle’s office.
Oncle kept Rodde back to go over it all again to get a clearer picture of what actually happened.
Butcher’s Tally:
Kaiser’s Sparrows:
Fritz: EXP-FT 0 kills
Joahann: SD-FT / WIA 0 Kills
Hans: FRTB-W / WIA 0 Kills
Franz: RTB 0 Kills
Bouledogues de la Republique:
Lt Nigel Stosham: RTB 0 Kills
Cpl Maurice Rodde: RTB 2 Kills (Fritz, Johann) – 1 probable (Hans FRTB-W)
The markers are to show the -1 per shot for the student pilots. So 6 actual damage points on the Caudron.
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