English will be the official language of the European Union

[Oberst Hajj]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

[tuladin]

Zat sunds prety god tu me.

[Doug]

Zis is excellent new for people who have dislexia. I had been cpelling like that all my life. Now I can dissable cpell kheck on my komputor and spell like I have done. Zis new english is much better.

[tonyc206]

Having completed all 5 years of the course I can now say

"Khjhjh sornbbvjk ndjufcmf wicdncl!!"

[AlgyLacey]

I just love English! GHOTI spells FISH

gh as in rough

o as in women

ti as in intial

Simple!

You can spell "Turner"
PHTH = t as in phthisic
OLO = ur as in colonel
GN = n as in gnat
YRRH = er as in myrrh

[Boney10]

ein beer bitte

[Flying Officer Kyte]

Sounds appalling to me. What are we fighting this damned war for, if not to stop the huns inflicting their unspeakable language upon us. As usual I will be submitting a very strongly worded letter to the Times. See how the dastardly huns like that.
Kyte.

[Walt Powell]

You blokes over there are lucky. All we have to be concerned about is becoming a Hispanic nation by way of invasion. We need a "channel" to our south!

[Schwerpunkt]

Perhaps someone should suggest the building of a 'canal' along the southern border wide enough to take super tankers; solely to improve East-West transport links - of course!!

[flash]

How will a youth in the UK now "aks" a question...?!!

[AlgyLacey]

You blokes over there are lucky. All we have to be concerned about is becoming a Hispanic nation by way of invasion. We need a "channel" to our south!

We became an English/British nation by invasion.

Celts, Angles, Jutes, Romans, Vikings, Saxons, Normans, and now the former empire and the world comes to our shores.

I don't suppose you're Walt Running Bear Powell?

(Algy's had too much beer - someone start him on the whisky quick!)

[Walt Powell]

We became an English/British nation by invasion.

Celts, Angles, Jutes, Romans, Vikings, Saxons, Normans, and now the former empire and the world comes to our shores.

I don't suppose you're Walt Running Bear Powell?

(Algy's had too much beer - someone start him on the whisky quick!)

Touche, Sir.

[gregbond77]

It's all Greek to me.

[bsmith13]

Heh.

Ve haf vays of makink you tok.

[gregbond77]

Heh.

Ve haf vays of makink you tok.

I can only hope this involves large amounts of Vodka!

[Belis4rius]

Engsh is portant 2 U n me M8, wot u on abat, lol, rofl, omg it was jk not RL.

I think I would rather speak pidgin German to be honest, lol.

[The Cowman]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

... Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

ROFLMAO!!! I woke up kinda grumpy today... til I read this! Thx Keith!

Heh.

Ve haf vays of makink you tok.

I can only hope this involves large amounts of Vodka!

...and perhaps seductive women??? or both vodka and women???? A man can always hope!!!

[Archidamus]

What - when was Latin replaced as our official language !

Does this mean my refrain of "Quos Deus vult perdere, dementat prius", uttered whenever I am flying over the trenches, isn't Emperor's English

[tonyc206]

Du bis ein Berliner!!! Alles klar?

[Naharaht]

Did you post this on April 1st?

[Belis4rius]

Ich Bien ien Bin Liner ........JFK

[Flying Officer Kyte]

Ich Bien ien Bin Liner ........JFK

Should that not be K.F.C. ?
Rob.

[Archidamus]

Rob,

You earn a cluck (cluck) of disapproval for that joke

[Flying Officer Kyte]

Rob,

You earn a cluck (cluck) of disapproval for that joke

Should that not read "for that Yolk." or are you just egging me on?
Rob.

[Belis4rius]

My mother once proudly informed me she had just had her living room ceiling 'azteced'.


(for the non Brits amongst us it was the use of plaster and was artex)

[Flying Officer Kyte]

My mother once proudly informed me she had just had her living room ceiling 'azteced'.


(for the non Brits amongst us it was the use of plaster and was artex)

Reminds me of my next door neighbour, who said she had had a visit from the Morons trying to convert her to their religion. I had trouble keeping a straight face.
Rob.

[The Cowman]

Du bis ein Berliner!!! Alles klar?

Donuts? Did somebody mention donuts??? With all that Vodka earlier I am getting a little hungry... where are the donuts?

[Propjockey53]

Sounds like a giant S.N.A.F.U. Glad I am in the states!!!

[tonyc206]

Lost?

[Archidamus]

Should that not read "for that Yolk." or are you just egging me on?
Rob.

What can I say - I was just egging you on - or maybe it's just shell-shock

[Lucky Bryan]

Just pass me the Schnapps... thats sure to get me talking in a funny language...

Lucky.

[MayorJim]

This post was way too funny

A free pretzel if you get this correctly:

Semper Ubi Sub-ubi...(it's good advice when going through the airport scanners )

[tonyc206]

This post was way too funny

A free pretzel if you get this correctly:

Semper Ubi Sub-ubi...(it's good advice when going through the airport scanners )

English is "Always where under where." When spoken it comes out as "Always wear underwear."

[Flying Officer Kyte]

Semper Ubi Sub-ubi...(it's good advice when going through the airport scanners )

It is good avice when you are in the cockpit. Otherwise........Frigidus satis frigida balls ex orichalco monkey.
Rob. M.B.W.I.

[bumblie3]

Du bis ein Berliner!!! Alles klar?

My German is quite poor but, shouldn't this be 'dough bist ein Berliner?'
John.

[Archidamus]

It is good avice when you are in the cockpit. Otherwise........Frigidus satis frigida balls ex orichalco monkey.
Rob. M.B.W.I.

On the other hand Rob, frozen ones might be bullet-proof

[Flying Officer Kyte]

On the other hand Rob, frozen ones might be bullet-proof

Not a risk I'm prepared to take I'm afraid. Especially flying in a Neiuport dedicated to my hero Albert.
Rob.

[bumblie3]

Schnapps - Lucky B..., Vodka - Cowman Ken and Greg, Whisky - Algy Lacy, all good healthy drinks, unlike that subtly insidious BEER!! Check out this scientific test of one of the more recognisable effects of imbibing the stuff... If you think a pint is good for you, see what 9 will do!!
http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf
You will also be able to fluently say ", without the 5 years of training that Tonyc206 needed, "Khjhjh sornbbvjk ndjufcmf wicdncl!"
Bumblie3