On the second card he looks exactly as though someone has just offered him a free drink....
Thanks for the thought.
John[/QUOTE]
No chance of that with you lot of tight fisted penguins.
Kyte.
On the second card he looks exactly as though someone has just offered him a free drink....
Thanks for the thought.
John[/QUOTE]
No chance of that with you lot of tight fisted penguins.
Kyte.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
What a looker.
How about that for the latest model!
Kyte.
Look at the size of that tank!
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
I'll take three. Do you suppose the Col does a suitable flight stand for this model?
John.
I'm sure he will if you ask him nicely.Originally Posted by bumblie3
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
What kind of fish do penguins catch at night?
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Star fish.
John
You two shouldn't be let out on your own
Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!
They said you had a white coat Steve.....
John
Nice to see the flying penguin thread is alive and well. I was beginning to think John and Rob had given up drinking or something.
So, these three little penguins are stumbling home from a convivial evening in a local bar, when they are jumped upon by several walruses. They awaken next morning to find themselves shackled to a long wooden bench behind the sweep of a long oar. Dozens of other penguins sit around them in the same condition, and they realise they have been press-ganged.
Suddenly a seal at the rear of the gangway starts to beat a steady rhythm on two large kettle drums and walruses armed with whips begin to move amongst them thrashing anyone that doesn't appear to be making enough effort. Mealtimes come and go and each is given a small fish and a mug of water which they must eat and drink without breaking stroke. With back breaking strain they force the galleon through the water at 3 knots and the beat settles on this stroke rate for the rest of the day.
At last evening comes, the beat slackens and stops, and eventually the wonderful sounds of anchors being dropped can be heard.
The three little penguins collapse over their sweep. "That's a good idea." says a penguin in the next row. "Save your strength for tomorrow. Today we were resting, but tomorrow's a bit different."
"Why is that?" pants the littlest penguin.
"Ah, well, its the Captain's birthday, and he wants us to take him water-skiing!" says his neighbour.
John
A Yank walks into an English pub with a penguin and they both sit down at the bar. The bartender asks, "Where did you get that thing?" The penguin replies, "In America, there are millions of them!"
Nice one Bobby.
John
Hi Bumblie.
I just knew those Walrus were trouble, even in those days.
Bye the way, you never told me if those penguins eventually got the approval of the seal.
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
No but they got the Walrus's Seal of Approval. Mind you, two thumbs up from a Walrus can be very painful, so I am told.
John.
[IMG][/IMG]
It is not its thumbs I am worried about.No but they got the Walrus's Seal of Approval. Mind you, two thumbs up from a Walrus can be very painful, so I am told.
John.
[IMG]
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Rob!
No wonder that little guys eyes are crossed!
Rich
A young penguin ventriloquist is working in various clubs and one
night he does a show in a small town.
With his little penguin dummy on his lap, he starts going through
his routine of dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the audience leaps to her
feet and starts shouting:
"We've all heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her value
as a human being? It's guys like you who keep blondes from
being respected at work and in the community, and
from reaching their full potential as a person.
You and your kind continue to perpetually discriminate
against blondes, and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed penguin begins to apologize,
and the blonde bellows, "You stay out of this, bird!
I'm talking to that little little idiot sitting on your lap!!"
John
Thanks for that John. Now we Know why his eyes were really crossed.A young penguin ventriloquist is working in various clubs and one
night he does a show in a small town.
With his little penguin dummy on his lap, he starts going through
his routine of dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the audience leaps to her
feet and starts shouting:
"We've all heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her value
as a human being? It's guys like you who keep blondes from
being respected at work and in the community, and
from reaching their full potential as a person.
You and your kind continue to perpetually discriminate
against blondes, and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed penguin begins to apologize,
and the blonde bellows, "You stay out of this, bird!
I'm talking to that little little idiot sitting on your lap!!"
John
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Flying Penguins.
John!
You have done it again!
Rich
Why do penguins throw snow balls?
So they have somewhere to dance...
What did the ocean say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved...
John
A blind penguin walks into a pub and makes his way up to the bar. He hops up on a stool and orders a drink. As the bartender brings him his drink, the penguin shouts "Does anyone want to hear a walrus joke!" The bartender leans over and and in a low voice says "Watch it, there is a walrus sitting on the stool to your left, another one sitting on the stool to your right, and three sitting at the table behind you. All five have been drinking all evening, have bad attitudes, and are itching for a fight. Do you really want to tell that walrus joke?" "I don't think so" says the penguin loudly, "I don't want to have to explain it five times!"
Get in line you orrible little man.
Kyte.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Nice one Bobby.
John.
Flying Penguins.
Bobby!
The groan heard around the world!I heard that one told with a blind sailor and five Marines in the bar!
Rich
What goes round comes round, Rich. I keep hearing updated versions of jokes that were going around college 40 years ago,Bobby!
The groan heard around the world!
Richand they are still just as bad.Note to self. Must get a new script writer.
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Flying Penguins.
Rob!
You are correct.
Rich
Nice to know my memory hasn't gone completely then. Erm whoever you are.Rob!
You are correct.
Rich
Oh yes that's right. Richard something or other.
Rob. Or is it Kyte?
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Blimey - was that last post a copy of your mood changes for the day...?
Daft Penguin
A fishmonger leans on the counter near the end of day when a penguin with a basket in its beak pushes its way through the door.
"What's all this?" asks the fishmonger. The penguin knocks the basket against the fishmonger's shins.
"Stupid bird!!." said the fishmonger but, as he reaches down to smack the penguin around the head, he notices a note and a ten pound note in the basket.
The message on the note asks for 3lb of best cod. The fishmonger thinks this is a good opportunity to get rid of some of his older stock and he goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting there all day.
The penguin lets out a load squawk at him and pecks him sharply on the knee. The fishmonger glares at the penguin then limps over to the fridge and gets the best cod from the fridge. He takes out about 2 1/2 pounds, and plops it on the scales, along with his thumb.
Again, the penguin squawks and gives him a sharp peck on the other knee. "Ouch!," yelped the fishmonger and he adds an extra fish, taking it well over 3lb. He wraps it up, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from five pounds. The penguin lunges at him pecking him fiercely on both knees. The fishmonger puts another five pound note in the basket.
The fishmonger is very impressed and decides to follow the penguin to see where he goes. Down the street they go with the fishmonger limping along behind.The penguin enters a block of flats, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then does a little leap in order to press the button for the 10th floor.
The fishmonger goes to the adjacent lift and follows to the 10th floor. He sees the penguin walk down the corridor and bang on a door with the basket. The door opens, and the penguin's owner throws open the door and starts yelling at the penguin.
"Hey, what's up? That's a really smart penguin you've got there," calls the fishmonger.
"What do you mean, smart?" yells the owner, "that's the third time this week he's forgotten his ruddy key!!!"....
John
Last edited by bumblie3; 10-06-2010 at 07:55.
Don't know Dom. Can't remember that far back.
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Flying Penguins.
John!
Oh thank you John.Now i have had a perfect day!
Rich
Now I have had a perfect start to the day.
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Brilliant Kevin.
John.
John
No Just a P45.
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
A penguin spots a recruiting poster for the police force, and waddles off the local station. They only ask him one question - "What would you do if you had to arrest your mother-in-law?"
"Call for backup!!" They recruited him immediately.
John
Could this be a poster for a special ops penguin?
Hope he is on the allied side in Time of Aces in Jan.Could this be a poster for a special ops penguin?
Cheers Aled
The dastardly Germans have recruited Feathers McGraw for Time of Aces
Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!
You think he's a problem! Just look at what our latest Recon mission has dug up.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Is that Shaun's latest mini to take on his heavy bombers?
Penguins times 2
1) Alvin the penguin was somewhat unusual, in that he couldn't swim. One day, he slipped on the ice and fell into the sea. Before he could be rescued, he drowned. His friends had a whip round and bought him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.... Well, they thought its what he would have wanted...
2) Penguin police report that the penguin who steals fish by size is still at large.
John.
A penguin was passing the drug store when he decided he wanted to go in. He walks in the door (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) he waddles up to the counter. 'Can I help you mister penguin?'
'Yes, do you have any plums?'
'No, penguin, this is a drugstore.'
'Thank you.' The penguin leaves (waddle waddle waddle)
A while latter the penguin passes by again and once again goes inside. (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) He waddles to the counter. 'Excuse me, do you have any plums?'
'NO, penguin! this is a drug store!'
'Very well then, thank you.'
'If you come back in here again penguin, I will nail your cute little feet to the floor.'
'Oh, well, thank you' The penguin waddles out the door.
A while latter the penguin goes back into the store. (ring ring ring, waddle waddle waddle) 'Excuse me sir.'
'WHAT!!!!!!????????'
'Do you have any nails?'
'NO! penguin, this is a drug store!!!'
'Oh, well then, do you have any plums?'
Rob.
"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."
Dead Penguins. Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Then they kick him in the ice hole.”
You really didn’t believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!
I like playing draughts (checkers) with penguins, but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to find 12 albinos...
John
John, the boys have voted this their top penguin joke so far but have you any more penguin mother-in-law related jokes by any chance.
Cheers Aled
Try these Aled.
1) What is the ideal weight for a penguin's mother-in-law?
3lb 2oz (including the urn).
2) 2 penguins are chatting when the first's mother-in-law passes.
'Blimey!' said the second, 'She looks even more miserable than usual.
What's up?'
'She's had some really bad news, they refuse to allow her into Vegas for
the international poker tournament!'
'Why ever not?'
'They say she won't take the chips off her shoulder!!'
3) A penguin was sitting on the edge of the ice flow when he saw six
strange penguins beating his mother-in-law up. As he sat watching,
his neighbour, rushed up and said, "Well, aren't you going to help?"
The penguin replied, "Nope. I reckon six of them is enough".
4) What does a penguin do if he find he is missing his mother-in-law?
RELOAD, AND TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers,
John.
Thanks John,
Just what I needed for the next family gathering of the wifes clan
Cheers,
Aled
The penguins have taken up curling and are busy practicing on the ice. Little Alfred keeps whining about never getting a turn, so eventually, he is allowed his go. He struggles to even move the heavy stone, but manfully he wiggles from side to side until the stone starts to move. Suddenly he and the stone start to revolve, and as he spins faster and faster, the stone rises from the ice, and flies out of his flippers, flattening both sweepers, and causing all the other penguins to leap for safety.
When the referee regains his feet he screams that Alfred is disqualified.
Alfred stands alone, head down and crestfallen. Then hopefully, he raises his head and asks 'Don't I score anything for getting two birds with one stone?'
John
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