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Thread: Flying Penguins.

  1. #1

    Default Flying Penguins.

    This thread has been started in order that other members may avoid the silly antics of certain officers, some of whom are old enough to know better, and Bumblie 3. who can now tell their jokes? without interrupting serious threads. My profound apologies to any member who has been disturbed in this way.
    Rob.

    P.S. Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  2. #2

    Default

    I don't know, why do penguins carry fish in their beaks? I have a funny feeling I'm going to be sorry I asked.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by gregbond77 View Post
    I don't know, why do penguins carry fish in their beaks? I have a funny feeling I'm going to be sorry I asked.
    Because they don't have any pockets.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  4. #4

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Flying Officer Kyte View Post
    Because they don't have any pockets.
    Rob.
    Then were do they keep the chips? You can't have fish without chips.

  5. #5

    Talking Flying Penguins.

    Greg!
    You have stump him!

    Now i know what i have missed not having any children!


    Rich

  6. #6

    Lightbulb Flying Penguins.

    John!

    Now we have he proper forum for this sort beneath Benny Hill humor, and he is retty deep! For that do not PM Rob and tell him the joke you told me!


    Rich

  7. #7

    Lightbulb Flying Penguins.

    Retaliation!
    One day a penguin went into a police a station because his brother was missing. He said, "My brother is missing." "What does he look like?" says the policeman looking straight at the penguin.


    Rich

  8. #8

    Default

    I'm reading "The First Air War" by Lee Kennett. I just finished a section about French flight training. Pilots started in planes with clipped wings and 25hp engines that could not take off. They learned to hold the flight line going back and forth across a field. They called these training planes "penguins." Imagine my surprise when this thread had nothing to do with them!

  9. #9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gregbond77 View Post
    Then were do they keep the chips? You can't have fish without chips.
    In the newspaper of course.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  10. #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by C View Post
    I'm reading "The First Air War" by Lee Kennett. I just finished a section about French flight training. Pilots started in planes with clipped wings and 25hp engines that could not take off. They learned to hold the flight line going back and forth across a field. They called these training planes "penguins." Imagine my surprise when this thread had nothing to do with them!
    That was the inspiration for the title Rodrick. You will soon get used to our quaint and obtuse sense of humour. Flying a penguin, a bit like flying a kyte (KITE) to see who will latch on to the thread, or in Penguineese, take the bait. Going fishing?
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  11. #11

    Default

    Rob.
    So its 2am, and a man and wife are roused by a loud banging at the front door.
    The husband goes down and opens the door to find a penguin, swaying to and fro.
    "What do you want?" asks the man.
    "Please could you give me a push, I can't do it on my own?" replies the penguin.
    "Its 2 in the morning - shove off!" says the man, and slams the door shut.
    He is halfway upstairs when there is another loud knock. He goes back and jerks the door open.
    "Please mister, help me. Give me a push?"
    "I won't tell you again, now clear off!" he shouts and goes back to bed.
    His wife asks him what was happening. He tells her that was a penguin asking for help, and from the smell of its breath it may have been drinking.
    "Well that's mean, dear!" says his wife, "One day your car may break down and you might need a push, I think you should help the poor little bird!"
    From the tone of her voice he knows this is not going to go away, so he goes down to help.
    He opens the door, but there is no sign of the penguin.
    "Hey, penguin, do you still need that push?" he calls.
    "Oh, yes please!" the penguin calls back.
    "Well where are you?" asks the man.
    "Over here on your garden swing!" replies the penguin.....

    John

  12. #12

    Default

    Why are there no penguins in Britain?
    Because they are afraid of Wales.
    What do you can a penguin in the desert?
    lost.

  13. #13

    Thumbs up Flying Penguins.

    John!

    Now that is what i call a Penguin JOKE!!!

    Rich

  14. #14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by richard m schwab View Post
    John!

    Now that is what i call a Penguin JOKE!!!

    Rich
    More like a shaggy Penguin story if you ask me. What a punch line.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  15. #15

    Default

    Two penguins are standing on an ice flow. One is wearing a bow tie. A freighter come to halt nearby and lowers a boat, which rows over to the flow.
    "Hey, you with the bow tie!", calls a sailor, "We've got a package for you."
    "Thank you." says the penguin with the bow tie and collects the parcel.
    As the boat rows away, he sits down on the ice and unwraps the parcel. Inside is a box, which he carefully opens, and removes a beautiful pair of Morroccan slippers.
    "Who sent you them?" asks his friend.
    "Sears & Roebuck." says bow tie. " I sent for them."
    "Why??"
    "Cos my feet are b****y freezing!"....

    John.

  16. #16

    Default

    Why are there no polar bears at the south pole??

    The Penguins ate them all.

    I know another, but it's really long, a bit crude and is best told after a few beers...

    p.s. Opus rocks...

  17. #17

    Default

    A somewhat inebriated gentleman wanders into a Police station. The desk sergeant asks him if he needs any assistance.

    "Do any penguins live around here?"
    "No sir, I believe they mainly live in the Antarctic."

    "Have you had a report of a penguin escaping from a local zoo?"
    "No, sir." The sergeant replies politely. "May I ask why?"

    "Well, my wife says I've just run over a nun, but I think she's winding me up."

  18. #18

    Default

    Two young penguins, Albert and Sidney, are chatting one day, when a young female penguin, Ermytrude waddles up to join them. Now Ermyntrude has unusual marking for a penguin, in that she is all white, with a black throat and tummy.

    "What are you chaps talking about?" she asks.

    "Well," says Albert, "we were just thinking how lucky we are to live here, lots of lovely fish to eat, right to hand."
    "Don't you get fed up with fish? Wouldn't you like some venison, or maybe a MacDonald's for a change?" says Ermyntrude.

    "Well, think of the lovely steeps slopes we can slide down." says Sidney.
    "Yes, bur look how dangerous they could be for tiny chicks." replies Ermyntrude. "Just think about how much harm they could do to themselves on those dangerous slopes."

    "Well, look at how well we are suited to the climate." Albert comments.
    "Well, I'd like to be somewhere where I could lay back and sunbathe, in really hot sun, without whatever I am lying on melting." Ermyntrude replies.

    Just then, Ermyntrude's mummy calls her for her lunch.

    As she waddles away, Albert says to Sidney, "Don't you think Ermyntrude is a bit negative??"

    John.

  19. #19

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rrodrick View Post
    I'm reading "The First Air War" by Lee Kennett. I just finished a section about French flight training. Pilots started in planes with clipped wings and 25hp engines that could not take off. They learned to hold the flight line going back and forth across a field. They called these training planes "penguins." Imagine my surprise when this thread had nothing to do with them!
    Sorry Rick,

    Although this thread is not entirely about trainee pilots, as you quickly spotted, I think you will find it does got back and forth, over the same ground, rather a lot.

    Happy landings,

    John.

  20. #20

    Lightbulb Flying Penguins.

    John!

    You have surpassed yourself with "Ermytrude" go to the head of the class!


    Rich

  21. #21

    Default

    Rich
    Aw shucks!!

    John.

  22. #22

    Thumbs up Flying Penguins.

    John!

    You deserved that flipper on the shoulder!!!


    Rich

  23. #23

    Guntruck's Avatar Central England Command Squadron Leader & Librarian
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    Thumbs up Biffs and Penguins - a classic combination!

    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  24. #24

    Thumbs up Flying Penguins.

    Steve!

    That is great! The best of both worlds!


    Rich

  25. #25

    Default

    Steve, perfect!
    John.

  26. #26

    Default

    Steve, great picture!

  27. #27

    Default

    That's classic. It made me fall about laughing more than the jokes. Yes I am back and will get around to ticking you all orf when I have had my tea, after being stuck in an R.T.A. hold up for two hours on the way back from holiday. Thanks for all the good wishes Catch up with you all individually soon.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  28. #28

    Default

    Welcome back, Kytey - I think.....
    John.

  29. #29

    Guntruck's Avatar Central England Command Squadron Leader & Librarian
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    Default

    He's back! Quick, hide the booze (and the meths, and the castor oil)
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  30. #30

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bumblie3 View Post
    - I think.....
    John.
    My word ! Things have changed a lot in a week. Must go on leave more often.
    Kyte.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  31. #31

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Guntruck View Post
    He's back! Quick, hide the booze (and the meths, and the castor oil)
    I'm surprised there is any left to hide after a whole week.
    Kyte.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  32. #32


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    Default

    Welcome back, glad to see you at the console again!

  33. #33

    Default

    Welcome back Rob.

  34. #34

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Snowy View Post
    Welcome back, glad to see you at the console again!
    Thanks Snowy. Guess what it will take to really console me? Just being a bit /
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  35. #35

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gregbond77 View Post
    Welcome back Rob.
    Thanks Greg. It's great to be back. To the bar all my wingmen.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  36. #36

    Guntruck's Avatar Central England Command Squadron Leader & Librarian
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    Default Steve gives Kytey a pat on the back

    Sadly Rob has had a few in the mess and couldn't stay upright
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  37. #37

    Default

    Steve, its a bit disrespectful to flip Rob off. Now I see why he calls you his WING man!
    John.

  38. #38

    Guntruck's Avatar Central England Command Squadron Leader & Librarian
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    Default

    Purely accidental, I assure you. Slapped him on the back, congratulated him on his promotion (well, it must be all of 5 days since the last one so he must be due one ) and there he was, gone
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  39. #39

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    Quote Originally Posted by Guntruck View Post
    Purely accidental, I assure you. Slapped him on the back, congratulated him on his promotion (well, it must be all of 5 days since the last one so he must be due one ) and there he was, gone
    Straight down the ice slide and into the pool. Still it's better than being stood up again by those army types in the Land Rovers. Next Harrier comes over and you're down again.
    Kyte.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  40. #40

    Smile Flying Penguins.

    Steve!

    That is great, the sort of high toned thing we expect here! The Castor oil is on me, on the rocks of course!


    Rich

  41. #41

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by richard m schwab View Post
    Steve!

    That is great, the sort of high toned thing we expect here! The Castor oil is on me, on the rocks of course!


    Rich
    So now you are trying to give me the slip too, eh Rich!
    If the castor oil is on you that much you need to get a bigger windshield. Try the new SE5 ones when they arrive. Flying in a greenhouse should stop you throwing stones.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  42. #42

    Guntruck's Avatar Central England Command Squadron Leader & Librarian
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    Default

    Thanks for the additional rep Rob. Didn't know penguins were so useful!
    Last edited by Guntruck; 08-19-2010 at 01:23. Reason: Keyboard can't spell
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  43. #43

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Guntruck View Post
    Thanks for the additional rep Rob. Didn't know penguins were so useful!
    Additional rep! I must have pressed the wrong button. I thought it said rap, as on the knuckles. Must get my eyes seen to. Oh I did! It looks a long way to the bar.
    We had better get started then.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  44. #44

    Thumbs up

    Rob!

    Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, it just might take you to another tunnel! But that is another slippery slope! Off to the bar at last!


    Rich

  45. #45

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    Quote Originally Posted by richard m schwab View Post
    Rob!

    Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, it just might take you to another tunnel! But that is another slippery slope! Off to the bar at last!


    Rich
    I once saw the light at the end of the tunnel Rich, but it turned to be someone with a lamp bringing me extra work.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  46. #46

    Guntruck's Avatar Central England Command Squadron Leader & Librarian
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    I usually find the light at the end of the tunnel is a train coming the other way!
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  47. #47

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    A Penguin, down on his luck, asks another Penguin "Can you lend me six squid?"


    A Penguin walks into a bar and orders a Gin and Tonic. The Bartender says, "That will be twenty quid". He puts the drink on the bar and says, "You know, we don't get many Penguins in here". The Penguin replys, "With prices like these, it's no wonder".

  48. #48

    Thumbs up Flying Penguins.

    Chris!

    That is why i come here great jokes!


    Rich

  49. #49

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    Speaking og Harriers and Penguins.....
    Two penguins are lying sunbathing on an iceflow when a Harrier jet zooms overhead, comesto a hover and then hurtles vertically upwards and disappears.....

    "WOW! Said the first penguin, "I wish I could do that!"
    "You probably could," said his friend, "if someone set fire to YOUR armpits...."

    John.

  50. #50

    Thumbs up Flying Penguins.

    John!

    You have done it again wing man!



    Rich

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