View Full Version : If WWI was a bar fight
Strangely Brown
10-11-2010, 01:55
I saw this on another forum so I've shamelessly lifted it, but thanks are due to herman1rg:
"If WW1 was a bar fight:
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.
Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.
Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.
Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.
Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.
Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.
Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.
France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.
France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends."
:rolleyes:
Flying Officer Kyte
10-11-2010, 02:06
Very amusing, and totally non P.C.:D:D:D:D:D
Rob.
rkhlegacy
10-11-2010, 05:26
You mean America did not win WWI all by itself?;)
Just kidding. I thought it was quite funny.
bsmith13
10-11-2010, 07:36
Lol! Very good!
Warhorse47
10-11-2010, 11:33
Thanks for the smile!
bumblie3
10-11-2010, 13:50
Very good!
John.
rosscoc87
10-11-2010, 15:08
Haha Great stuff!
Nice One Simon !
I wonder how many other conflicts we could apply that to?! ;)
wargamer
10-11-2010, 18:00
hmmm, should also add swiping Germany's credit cards, lines of credit and all the mortgages Germany was holding on everyone else. Would help to simulate the treaty of versailles....
robotwizard
10-11-2010, 18:57
And as usual the Canadian in the crowd was mistaken for another Brit and thus never mentioned in the fight ...
Horse4261
10-11-2010, 23:00
Thanks for sharing this one.. had to "steal' it and re-post on my FB notes.
America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
Not quite -- more like "America, tired of these drunken yobbos tearing up the bar, knocks Germany on its a**, then asks if anyone else wants a piece; being hung-over, everyone else backs down. Since none of the three who were involved at the beginning of the fracas are still breathing at this point, Britain and France steal Germany's wallet, then tell it to pay for the damages. Germany spends the next couple decades in the gym bulking up, whilst Britain and France develop beer guts toasting each other over 'their' victory. When next Germany enters the bar, France gets knocked on its a** before it can turn around, while Britain is about to become Germany's prison b****; then, once again, America cold-cocks Germany, but lets the Soviet Bunion take some of the credit, as the SU absorbed more chair-shots to the face than Mick Foley. Britain and France then spend the next 50 years trying to decide whose b**** to be -- America's, or the Soviet Union's."
You want Non-PC.... >;)
Strangely Brown
10-12-2010, 01:02
Not quite -- more like "America, tired of these drunken yobbos tearing up the bar, knocks Germany on its a**, then asks if anyone else wants a piece; being hung-over, everyone else backs down. Since none of the three who were involved at the beginning of the fracas are still breathing at this point, Britain and France steal Germany's wallet, then tell it to pay for the damages. Germany spends the next couple decades in the gym bulking up, whilst Britain and France develop beer guts toasting each other over 'their' victory. When next Germany enters the bar, France gets knocked on its a** before it can turn around, while Britain is about to become Germany's prison b****; then, once again, America cold-cocks Germany, but lets the Soviet Bunion take some of the credit, as the SU absorbed more chair-shots to the face than Mick Foley. Britain and France then spend the next 50 years trying to decide whose b**** to be -- America's, or the Soviet Union's."
Ahh, I love American history... :D
The History Channel are interested in buying the rights, as they can get loads of product placements in to the show during all the bar scenes.
bumblie3
10-12-2010, 02:00
Ahh, I love American history... :D
Yes Indeed:D
John
CappyTom
10-12-2010, 02:08
I just love this P.C. humor. Its truly refreshing.:p:D
bsmith13
10-12-2010, 06:35
Ahh, I love American history... :D
Not all of us over here believe things like this...
:D
wargamer
10-12-2010, 06:41
WHAT? You don't beleive everything you read??? oh the shame.....
Von Rotherham
10-12-2010, 08:38
they should teach this in school...
Strangely Brown
10-12-2010, 09:02
they should teach this in school...
Amusing though it is, it does describe the alliances (in a somewhat jingoisitc stlye) in a way that's easy to follow. Back it up with a few "this is what that refers to" and I think you'd make kids more interested in history...
...just don't mention the Canadians :D
Von Rotherham
10-12-2010, 09:54
I was going to say 'it would have got me to pay attention in school' but History was the only thing I did actually pay attention in!
Charlie3
10-12-2010, 16:45
Ahh, I love American history... :DMe too:rolleyes: Been sorting it out for years;)
Goering Ace
10-12-2010, 17:01
Very funny!!
Skullduggery
10-12-2010, 22:39
Very funny I like it
Ahh, I love American history... :D
American History is the *only* history, baby.... ;)
American History is the *only* history, baby.... ;)
For the next Thousand years.
For the next Thousand years.
So that makes the US the Thousand-Year --
NEVER MIND!
>;)
bumblie3
10-14-2010, 01:27
Lets hope its not deja vu.:D:D:D:D
John.
Flying Officer Kyte
10-14-2010, 01:43
Lets hope its not deja vu.:D:D:D:D
John.
I can't remember that one Bumblie :confused: Is it in Spain?
Rob.
bumblie3
10-14-2010, 02:00
I can't remember that one Bumblie :confused: Is it in Spain?
Rob.
Nope, Kytey, she's on Mars. I think she's the cousin of Dejah Thoris. Of course, she might have moved to Hope by now, with all that cheap booze...:D:D:D
John.
Cerberus
10-14-2010, 02:33
One small problem with all this. It wasnt America that won the war. It was the United States Marines.
bumblie3
10-14-2010, 02:42
One small problem with all this. It wasnt America that won the war. It was the United States Marines.
All of them, or just John Wayne, on an afternoon he had free???:D:D:D
John.
Cerberus
10-14-2010, 21:05
All of them, or just John Wayne, on an afternoon he had free???:D:D:D
John.
Nope, just Master Gunnery Sargent Dan Daly and 9443 of his fellow Marines. John came along in time for the second. ;) I think I heard the Aussies and Canadians were on the flanks though. :):):):):)
Flying Officer Kyte
10-15-2010, 00:24
Nope, Kytey, she's on Mars. I think she's the cousin of Dejah Thoris. Of course, she might have moved to Hope by now, with all that cheap booze...:D:D:D
John.
They are all wrong about who won the war then. It must have been John Carter, probably aided by Tarzan.:rolleyes:
Rob.
bumblie3
10-17-2010, 03:57
You know Kytey, now you mention it, I certainly recall Tarzan running the Huns out of Africa. That'll teach 'em.
John.
Oberst Hajj
10-17-2010, 05:41
You mean America did not win WWI all by itself?;)
Just kidding. I thought it was quite funny.
No, that was WWII! LOL
Nice thread btw!
CappyTom
10-17-2010, 06:50
I thought Tarzan ran the Joker out of Gotham city.;)
You know Kytey, now you mention it, I certainly recall Tarzan running the Huns out of Africa. That'll teach 'em.
John.
Flying Officer Kyte
10-17-2010, 06:59
I thought Tarzan ran the Joker out of Gotham city.;)
No that was Botham. ( If you don't play cricket you may not get this):D and if you do play you will probably wish you didn't.
Rob.
bumblie3
10-17-2010, 07:09
Sorry Tom, but it was the Penguin he ran out of Gotham city.... That's why he moved to the Antarctic.
John.
CappyTom
10-17-2010, 07:13
Oh, then Capt. America ran the snakes out of Hawaii...:rolleyes:
bumblie3
10-17-2010, 07:27
Ireland too, so I believe.
John.
Hamburger
11-08-2010, 15:10
I love free cheap entertainment!!
Ahh, I love American history... :D
I like British History that conviently forgets we supplied you long before we entered the fight in both wars, thus ensuring you were around to tell us we played little to no part.
The first world war was a virtual stalemate when we entered. It could just as easily have gone the other way had we come in on Germany's side.
Still, it was ammusing none the less.
Strangely Brown
05-21-2012, 15:10
Following on from a conversation at Triples, I thought I would repost this for the benefit of those who have not yet seen it...
Following on from a conversation at Triples, I thought I would repost this for the benefit of those who have not yet seen it...
Yes I've seen it before. What's your point!
Thank you Simon, Ed, I didnt see it the first time, this was for me :)
Never mind who won what (we all have our different versions of history) back to the original post I thought it was a good explanation and it made me laugh:thumbsup:
gully_raker
05-22-2012, 00:46
Never mind who won what (we all have our different versions of history) back to the original post I thought it was a good explanation and it made me laugh:thumbsup:
:thumbsup: I'll second that Doug!
Great piece of comedy! I wasnt around when it was first posted so I really appreciated it.
Flying Officer Kyte
05-22-2012, 02:33
:thumbsup:I also enjoyed seeing it again.
Thanks Simon.
Rob.
bumblie3
05-22-2012, 02:41
Never mind who won what (we all have our different versions of history) back to the original post I thought it was a good explanation and it made me laugh:thumbsup:
I'm with you there Doug, it was very funny.:thumbsup::thumbsup:
Guntruck
05-22-2012, 03:37
Here's one for the second bar fight:
If World War Two was a bar fight
• After the last bar fight, America decides that he needs to be the bartender and the bouncer and moves behind the bar.
• Germany comes to and sees everyone drinking with his money and sees Austria sitting in the corner by himself.
• Germany, angry that Britain, France, and America took his wallet grabs Austria and makes him stand next to him.
• Germany then does the same to Czechoslovakia.
• On the other side of the room, Japan punches China. After a while, America tells them to knock it off.
• Germany signs a bar napkin telling Britain that he is done moving people over to his side of the room.
• Germany sucker punches Poland, claiming that Poland started it.
• Russia says he will help and ends up punching Poland from the other side.
• France and Britain begin swinging at Germany. Germany pushes Britain through the door and knocks him into the pool. France is also shoved through the door, but comes back in wearing a new beret and decides to hang out with Germany.
• For no apparent reason, Russia slaps Finland.
• Italy gets into a fight over the toys in the sandbox out back, gets a bloody nose and cries to Germany for help.
• Germany and Britain get into a tug of war over Italy’s sandbox.
• Britain and Germany begin throwing rocks at each others’ houses.
• Because Russia helped him with beating up Poland, Germany sucker punches Russia.
• While everybody is looking at Germany and Britain, Japan puts China into a headlock and begins punching his head.
• America tells Japan to knock it off and tells him he’s had too much to drink and he’s cut off.
• Japan jumps over the bar and punches America. And Britain. And France. And the Netherlands.
• Germany shakes his fist at America and makes a rude noise.
• America jumps into Germany’s sandbox and falls flat on his ass. Italy laughs at him.
• Because America is mad at Germany, America punches Italy.
• America, Canada, and Britain rip off France’s new beret and punch Germany.
• America, Britain and Australia gang up and start shoving Japan back into a corner on the other side of the room.
• Germany taps America on the shoulder and says, “What’s that over there in the snow?” Then he kicks America in the behind when he’s not looking.
• Everyone piles on Germany until he passes out.
• America hits Japan in the face with a baseball bat like Capone did in “The Untouchables”. Twice.
• As Japan is on his way to the floor, Russia shakes his fist at Japan, pretending that he’s joined the fight and hoping that he’ll be able to go through Japan’s wallet after the fight’s over.
• After Japan and Germany wake up, America, France, Britain, and Russia move into Germany’s House. America moves into Japan’s house, too.
• America buys drinks for Germany and Japan until everyone is happy again.
petitbilbo
05-22-2012, 03:54
Absolutely excellent!!!
Big laugh!
:salute:
bumblie3
05-22-2012, 03:54
Here's one for the second bar fight:
If World War Two was a bar fight
• After the last bar fight, America decides that he needs to be the bartender and the bouncer and moves behind the bar.
• Germany comes to and sees everyone drinking with his money and sees Austria sitting in the corner by himself.
• Germany, angry that Britain, France, and America took his wallet grabs Austria and makes him stand next to him.
• Germany then does the same to Czechoslovakia.
• On the other side of the room, Japan punches China. After a while, America tells them to knock it off.
• Germany signs a bar napkin telling Britain that he is done moving people over to his side of the room.
• Germany sucker punches Poland, claiming that Poland started it.
• Russia says he will help and ends up punching Poland from the other side.
• France and Britain begin swinging at Germany. Germany pushes Britain through the door and knocks him into the pool. France is also shoved through the door, but comes back in wearing a new beret and decides to hang out with Germany.
• For no apparent reason, Russia slaps Finland.
• Italy gets into a fight over the toys in the sandbox out back, gets a bloody nose and cries to Germany for help.
• Germany and Britain get into a tug of war over Italy’s sandbox.
• Britain and Germany begin throwing rocks at each others’ houses.
• Because Russia helped him with beating up Poland, Germany sucker punches Russia.
• While everybody is looking at Germany and Britain, Japan puts China into a headlock and begins punching his head.
• America tells Japan to knock it off and tells him he’s had too much to drink and he’s cut off.
• Japan jumps over the bar and punches America. And Britain. And France. And the Netherlands.
• Germany shakes his fist at America and makes a rude noise.
• America jumps into Germany’s sandbox and falls flat on his ass. Italy laughs at him.
• Because America is mad at Germany, America punches Italy.
• America, Canada, and Britain rip off France’s new beret and punch Germany.
• America, Britain and Australia gang up and start shoving Japan back into a corner on the other side of the room.
• Germany taps America on the shoulder and says, “What’s that over there in the snow?” Then he kicks America in the behind when he’s not looking.
• Everyone piles on Germany until he passes out.
• America hits Japan in the face with a baseball bat like Capone did in “The Untouchables”. Twice.
• As Japan is on his way to the floor, Russia shakes his fist at Japan, pretending that he’s joined the fight and hoping that he’ll be able to go through Japan’s wallet after the fight’s over.
• After Japan and Germany wake up, America, France, Britain, and Russia move into Germany’s House. America moves into Japan’s house, too.
• America buys drinks for Germany and Japan until everyone is happy again.
Brilliant, Guntruck. And to think Bar Brawl 1 was the Bar brawl to end all Bar Brawls....
If Britian had lost the Battle of Britian then they would have been invaded and lost then the USA wouldn't have entered the War
So it was a Kiwi who won WW2 Sir Keith Park.
Ps love the Bar Fight.
Carl_Brisgamer
05-22-2012, 04:55
Never mind who won what (we all have our different versions of history) back to the original post I thought it was a good explanation and it made me laugh:thumbsup:
After ANZAC Day this year I explained the origins of the First World War to my 10 year old lad. I wish I had seen this post before then!
We need to add another line about the Australian Corps at Amiens in 1918 -
"Using some fancy footwork Germany lands a couple of good punches on Britain and France, who stumble back stunned. Then the Australian steps in and takes the best combination Germany can land. He spits out a tooth and says "If that's all ya got left Fritz, then youse are in for a floggin'."
After ANZAC Day this year I explained the origins of the First World War to my 10 year old lad. I wish I had seen this post before then!
We need to add another line about the Australian Corps at Amiens in 1918 -
"Using some fancy footwork Germany lands a couple of good punches on Britain and France, who stumble back stunned. Then the Australian steps in and takes the best combination Germany can land. He spits out a tooth and says "If that's all ya got left Fritz, then youse are in for a floggin'."
Sorry should that not be ... Germany pulls a knife and Australia steps forwards and says " You call that a knife ? This ! is a knife" and brandishes what the Brits would call a sabre
john snelling
05-22-2012, 06:19
Loved the post. But I believe you missed the part when Italy used his face to hit Austria fist numerous times it must of hurt because Austria used his face to hit Italy's fist also.
gully_raker
05-22-2012, 18:04
I like British History that conviently forgets we supplied you long before we entered the fight in both wars, thus ensuring you were around to tell us we played little to no part.
The first world war was a virtual stalemate when we entered. It could just as easily have gone the other way had we come in on Germany's side.
Still, it was ammusing none the less.
:D I do not want to do any American "Bashing" here because Britain or Australia will not forget the valuable contribution of American Goods etc that helped most in WW2 but dont forget that it was not given Free. It was Paid for & the Lend Lease programme left England almost Bankrupt after WW2. American Industrialists made a fortune out of aid to Britain in both Wars. America spent probably Billions on rebuilding Germany & Japan but Britain had to do it on her own.:thumbsup:
gully_raker
05-22-2012, 18:11
:thumbsup: Great Stuff, Guntruck. Well done!:D
I think most people conveniently forget that England and France did not fully honor their commitment to Poland. Russia did invade Poland a couple of weeks after Germany. Many thousands of Poles died fighting for the French and British thinking that they would ensure a free Poland at the end of the war. Yah right. The shame is also on the U.S.
Old Navy
05-22-2012, 20:21
The History Channel are interested in buying the rights, as they can get loads of product placements in to the show during all the bar scenes.
Only if they can change it to reflect their change in venue.
In other words, the bar is in the middle of a swamp and all the countries are portrayed by toothless rednecks.
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