OTT-BYM Mission 11 - The Turkey 19th Dec 1916 - By Vagabond
The Turkey
Well, I think this is a pretty rotten war. Everything’s rotten. The weather’s rotten. This coffee is rotten – to say nothing of it being half cold. That record that some cad keeps playing on the gramophone is rotten. And our half-baked mess caterer is also rotten – putrid in fact.
In a few days it will be Christmas and there’s no turkey for dinner, we need to do something about it.
“Well why don’t you go and find us one” was the response to my outburst.
I jolly well will, I’ll go and fetch it right now, you see if I don’t and I strode out of the Mess knowing I’d recently seen a flock of turkeys but after a few moments I realized I’d seen them 30 to 40 miles the other side of the lines, that gave me pause for thought.
Well something’s are best left unsaid, as I reflected on my petulant outburst and was just about to go back into the Mess and admit it was a foolish thing, take the ribbing that would inevitably come my way and get on with life. That’s when Plaskitt-Smythe and Podgy came out and both went gobble, gobble, gobble, at the same time in an unrehearsed version of their idea of a turkey call.
Ha….you’ll be laughing on the other side of your faces when I’m carving the succulent breast at the Christmas dinner feast and I’ll be having one or maybe two of the legs. You two will be lucky to get a wing between you I retorted and turning on my heel made my way to the map room to see if I could form a plan to go and get the turkey before digging a bigger hole for myself.
I could see the trenches in the distance and they were getting closer every minute. I would have been across them and receiving the plaudits from my fellow airmen by now if it hadn’t been for Tarquin.
Tarquin?.....Yes you may well ask who Tarquin was! Tarquin was the last breeding male that the Belgian Turkey Farmer had in the turkey pens on his farm. Tarquin was destined for the table to feed a bunch of Uhlans billeted at the turkey farm. Neither the farmer or the cavalry had been happy when I landed and stole their prize turkey away from them. I’d like to say it was easy, and indeed that’s probably what I’ll tell them in the Mess but it was far from easy. In my haste to escape the wrath of the Farmer and the Germans I’d slipped while carrying Tarquin back to the plane and knocked the stuffing out of him when I landed on top of the big lump.
He didn’t offer any resistance when I threw him in the cockpit but in the rush to leave I didn’t stow him properly.
At some point I’d picked up a follower, hard to tell but it looked like one of the Albatros Dll’s. After my evaluation flight in the Sopwith Triplane the C.O. had acquired three of them and I was using one for my mercy mission. I knew they were fast and I would have been able to out run the Dll except Tarquin’s extra weight was slowing me down and the damn bird had woken up.
The first I knew the bird was awake was a wriggly sensation under my bottom. I perhaps didn’t mention it but I was sat on the bird. Then this bald wrinkly head popped up between my legs and gazed around in a malevolent manner. That put the fear of God into me I can tell you, he had a sharp wicked looking beak and it was very very close to me.
Then the blasted thing decided it wanted a better look at the world and started trying to get out from under me. The plane bucked and veered to port and I nearly went over the side, I hit it as hard as I could with my gloved hand and the head disappeared.
In the distance I could see a tandem flying an obvious line, photographing the trenches in all probability, that must be Plaskitt-Smythe and Podgy because they were the only Tandem crew we had, still in one piece. They had a Triplane for protection but that wasn’t going to help much because two shark shaped planes were closing fast.
Tarquin started to wriggle about again, and I couldn’t control the plane. We took another lurch to port, fortunately further away from the Albatrii in the distance. Looking over my shoulder my mad gyrations seemed to have totally confused the plane chasing me which was good, but then Tarquin’s head appeared, he was trying to get out of the back of the plane, which was bad.
The following Dll had finally turned in my direction but Tarquin hadn’t finished and with a gargantuan heave of his right wing he got it level with the cockpit combing, knocking me forward and forcing an unexpected turn to starboard.
That’ll throw my pursuer I thought, until I realized it would bring him closer to me and me closer to the brace of Albatroii attacking the tandem. Damn that bird, I couldn’t reach him but he seemed comfortable viewing the world from his current position and stopped wriggling around for a minute.
I decided I’d better try my gun because it looked like I might have to fight my way home and that’s when I realized I couldn’t see down the sights.
Is Christmas Turkey worth this!
In the distance the photography run was progressing, the Albatrii were in a good attacking position and the Triplane was making a hard turn to get back to protect P-S and Podgy. Maybe that was his plan, get behind them and attack unopposed.
I could see that he’d opened fire on the CDL plane but nothing much happened and the Red one seemed to have lost the plot. Maybe he was worried as I was closing on him due to my last turn in his direction and he would come after me.
Tarquin must have been getting pins and needles in his wing and withdrew it into the cockpit bouncing me about in the seat as we lurched back to port. The turn was fortuitous because it was taking me away from the enemy rather than towards them and so maybe Christmas Turkey is worth it!
Anyway it must have reassured the red plane when, like a madman sat on a turkey I banked to port, because he started an Immelmann turn to take him back to the Tandem and Triplane.
Our Triplane attacked the CDL Dll just as the Strutter started its turn at the end of the photographic run.
Then the Dll and Podgy exchanged shots.
I saw the Strutter burst into flames.
But by now they were a long way from me. Tarquin had been quiet for a little while and I was making a bee line for the Drome. My crazy flying, aided in no small part by Tarquin had completely thrown off my pursuer and I was pretty confident I would make it home. Of course I hadn’t consulted Tarquin and there was still time for the daft bird to do something even more stupid than he already had.
The CDL Dll must have been flown by a novice because he’d not anticipated Plaskitt-Smythes turn but the Triplane seems to be heading for the burning plane, as the Red Dlll is still way off the action.
Podgy in the Strutter lines up the shot on the Dll just as the Triplane crashes into him.
You’d probably not be surprised to learn I was flying the Triplane, anyway I’m not sure what the rules say but I reckoned Podgy wouldn’t get off a shot as another plane ploughed into him. Fortunately there wasn’t much damage.
Taki in the Triplane came out of the collision headed straight for the CDL Dll and opened fire, causing major damage, just as the Red Dlll opened fire on the Strutter.
Closing on the Dll Taki continues to fire long bursts and the pilot of the Dll is looking wildly for some escape from this rain of bullets.
A few moments later he finds his escape but not the one he wanted as Taki blows his machine apart.
And he crashes in No Mans Land.
KILL TO TAKI
Meanwhile Plaskitt-Smythe with superb defensive flying has minimised any fire damage but in the process almost collided with the Red plane. He’s now back on track for Podgy to photograph the rest of the trench system.
Sorry for the debris on the mat but this shows Vagabond escaping with the turkey. The Cameo Dll is way behind. I made the mistake of flying a Triplane which was too fast for the Albatros, I should have stuck with the Pup I used in the trial game, but hey ho – it’s Turkey for Christmas dinner.
The Strutter had 9 points of damage and I’d planned its moves for this turn. This fire damage takes it to 12 points and Plaskitt-Smith will have to turn for home at the beginning of the next turn. Podgy still has 2 pictures to take.
He takes the first one and there’s only one left.
The Red Dlll Immels and chases after the Strutter but will not catch it now and Taki who has the 1 kill that makes him an Ace only has to make it home for tea and crumpets to revel in the glory, but he opens fire on the German plane anyway.
His gun jams on the next burst without inflicting anymore damage.
These are his next two moves, frustration thy name is Jam.
Mean while Podgy got the last photograph and Plaskitt-Smythe turned the Strutter towards home with 2 points of damage left.
The Triplane is too fast for the Dlll and so Taki splits left with the intention of coming back right and engaging the Dlll again. The Dlll pilot wants to Immel and attack the Triplane but seeing the Strutter in front opens fire at long range. Neither Plaskitt-Smythe or Podgy can reply. Their machine is on its last legs and they know it.
Fortunately the Dlll pilot must have been so rattled by Takis attack that he missed the Strutter completely.
He Immels and flies into a hail of bullets from Taki and Podgy, his engine is hit and he will have to return to base.
The Strutter has completed its mission and can get the photographic plates back to the Drome, Taki can break off the action and escort it home.
But he continues with his attacking move and hits the Dlll but his gun jams again. AGGGGHHHH.
The Dlll’s engine starts to emit dark cloud’s of smoke.
The Dlll makes good its escape, trailing smoke from its damaged engine! Could this be an oil leak, if so will he make it?
Knowing that the Dlll is severely wounded there’s no real decision to be made and Taki hauls the Triplane around and sets off in pursuit, hammering away at the jammed gun as he does so.
Jam cleared and he gets into range and opens fire again. NOTHING!!!!
The Dlll is trying it’s best to escape and Taki is concentrating on clearing his 3rd jam and not going too fast and overshooting the Dlll.
Suddenly there are bullets boring into his machine, he wasn’t concentrating enough and left himself open to attack.
Well that was enough, if his bally gun wouldn’t down the Hun then he would knock him out of the sky some other way.
The German pilot knew a mad man when he encountered one as Taki made run after run at his plane. He threw up his hands in surrender and if Dave allows it, that’s what happened ( We capture a Dlll and a German Pilot).
If not, this is what happened.
They finally collided just before the German could have claimed sanctuary from the edge of the table. The chit pull decided his fate, no damage to the Triplane and massive damage to the Dlll.
With his top wing missing the Dlll crashed into the ground well behind the German side of the lines.
KILL TO TAKI
Well that was a turn up for the books. Once his engine was hit I knew he would have to head for his table edge and so it would have been easy to shoot him down as I had the faster plane and the knowledge of his likely moves. So I used a similar method of card drawing to the turkey plane, random turns as well as a stall for the engine damage. It was like chasing a jack rabbit.
I also had quite a bit of trouble reducing the speed of the Triplane and keeping station behind the Dlll for sufficient time to clear the jams and get a shot in, I was taken completely by surprise when he got to shoot at me. Right at the end I was running out of time and space, the table edge was getting very close and I just made a complete hash of my moves not getting in line for a shot and then finally colliding.
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for his fifth victory on behalf of a grateful King and our gallant allies have awarded him a Croix de Guerre 
Originally Posted by Stumptonian
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