If WWI was a bar fight

**Strangely Brown** · 10-11-2010 01:55

I saw this on another forum so I've shamelessly lifted it, but thanks are due to herman1rg:

"If WW1 was a bar fight:

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends."

**Flying Officer Kyte** · 10-11-2010 02:06

Very amusing, and totally non P.C.

Rob.

**Pope** · 10-11-2010 02:12

Like it

**ara398** · 10-11-2010 05:08

ROFLMAO!

Adrian

**rkhlegacy** · 10-11-2010 05:26

You mean America did not win WWI all by itself?

Just kidding. I thought it was quite funny.

**bsmith13** · 10-11-2010 07:36

Lol! Very good!

**Warhorse47** · 10-11-2010 11:33

Thanks for the smile!

**bumblie3** · 10-11-2010 13:50

Very good!
John.

**Coog** · 10-11-2010 13:52

Great stuff!

**rosscoc87** · 10-11-2010 15:08

Haha Great stuff!

**flash** · 10-11-2010 15:27

Nice One Simon !
I wonder how many other conflicts we could apply that to?!

**wargamer** · 10-11-2010 18:00

hmmm, should also add swiping Germany's credit cards, lines of credit and all the mortgages Germany was holding on everyone else. Would help to simulate the treaty of versailles....

**robotwizard** · 10-11-2010 18:57

And as usual the Canadian in the crowd was mistaken for another Brit and thus never mentioned in the fight ...

**Horse4261** · 10-11-2010 23:00

Thanks for sharing this one.. had to "steal' it and re-post on my FB notes.

**csadn** · 10-11-2010 23:24

Originally Posted by The Black Knight

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

Not quite -- more like "America, tired of these drunken yobbos tearing up the bar, knocks Germany on its a**, then asks if anyone else wants a piece; being hung-over, everyone else backs down. Since none of the three who were involved at the beginning of the fracas are still breathing at this point, Britain and France steal Germany's wallet, then tell it to pay for the damages. Germany spends the next couple decades in the gym bulking up, whilst Britain and France develop beer guts toasting each other over 'their' victory. When next Germany enters the bar, France gets knocked on its a** before it can turn around, while Britain is about to become Germany's prison b****; then, once again, America cold-cocks Germany, but lets the Soviet Bunion take some of the credit, as the SU absorbed more chair-shots to the face than Mick Foley. Britain and France then spend the next 50 years trying to decide whose b**** to be -- America's, or the Soviet Union's."

You want Non-PC.... >;)

**Strangely Brown** · 10-12-2010 01:02

Originally Posted by csadn

Not quite -- more like "America, tired of these drunken yobbos tearing up the bar, knocks Germany on its a**, then asks if anyone else wants a piece; being hung-over, everyone else backs down. Since none of the three who were involved at the beginning of the fracas are still breathing at this point, Britain and France steal Germany's wallet, then tell it to pay for the damages. Germany spends the next couple decades in the gym bulking up, whilst Britain and France develop beer guts toasting each other over 'their' victory. When next Germany enters the bar, France gets knocked on its a** before it can turn around, while Britain is about to become Germany's prison b****; then, once again, America cold-cocks Germany, but lets the Soviet Bunion take some of the credit, as the SU absorbed more chair-shots to the face than Mick Foley. Britain and France then spend the next 50 years trying to decide whose b**** to be -- America's, or the Soviet Union's."

Ahh, I love American history...

**Pope** · 10-12-2010 01:24

The History Channel are interested in buying the rights, as they can get loads of product placements in to the show during all the bar scenes.

**bumblie3** · 10-12-2010 02:00

Originally Posted by The Black Knight

Ahh, I love American history...

Yes Indeed

John

**CappyTom** · 10-12-2010 02:08

I just love this P.C. humor. Its truly refreshing.

**bsmith13** · 10-12-2010 06:35

Originally Posted by The Black Knight

Ahh, I love American history...

Not all of us over here believe things like this...

**wargamer** · 10-12-2010 06:41

WHAT? You don't beleive everything you read??? oh the shame.....

**Von Rotherham** · 10-12-2010 08:38

they should teach this in school...

**Strangely Brown** · 10-12-2010 09:02

Originally Posted by Von Rotherham

they should teach this in school...

Amusing though it is, it does describe the alliances (in a somewhat jingoisitc stlye) in a way that's easy to follow. Back it up with a few "this is what that refers to" and I think you'd make kids more interested in history...

...just don't mention the Canadians

**Von Rotherham** · 10-12-2010 09:54

I was going to say 'it would have got me to pay attention in school' but History was the only thing I did actually pay attention in!

**Charlie3** · 10-12-2010 16:45

Originally Posted by The Black Knight

Ahh, I love American history...

Me too

Been sorting it out for years

**Goering Ace** · 10-12-2010 17:01

Very funny!!

**Skullduggery** · 10-12-2010 22:39

Very funny I like it

**csadn** · 10-12-2010 23:09

Originally Posted by The Black Knight

Ahh, I love American history... :D

American History is the *only* history, baby.... ;)

**Ed2** · 10-12-2010 23:34

Originally Posted by csadn

American History is the *only* history, baby....

For the next Thousand years.

**csadn** · 10-13-2010 23:02

Originally Posted by Ed2

For the next Thousand years.

So that makes the US the Thousand-Year --

[Elmira] NEVER MIND! [/Elmira]

>;)

**bumblie3** · 10-14-2010 01:27

Lets hope its not deja vu.

John.

**Flying Officer Kyte** · 10-14-2010 01:43

Originally Posted by bumblie3

Lets hope its not deja vu.

John.

I can't remember that one Bumblie

Is it in Spain?
Rob.

**bumblie3** · 10-14-2010 02:00

Originally Posted by Flying Officer Kyte

I can't remember that one Bumblie

Is it in Spain?
Rob.

Nope, Kytey, she's on Mars. I think she's the cousin of Dejah Thoris. Of course, she might have moved to Hope by now, with all that cheap booze...

John.

Cerberus · 10-14-2010 02:33

One small problem with all this. It wasnt America that won the war. It was the United States Marines.

**bumblie3** · 10-14-2010 02:42

Originally Posted by Cerberus

One small problem with all this. It wasnt America that won the war. It was the United States Marines.

All of them, or just John Wayne, on an afternoon he had free???

John.

Cerberus · 10-14-2010 21:05

Originally Posted by bumblie3

All of them, or just John Wayne, on an afternoon he had free???

John.

Nope, just Master Gunnery Sargent Dan Daly and 9443 of his fellow Marines. John came along in time for the second.

I think I heard the Aussies and Canadians were on the flanks though.

**Flying Officer Kyte** · 10-15-2010 00:24

Originally Posted by bumblie3

Nope, Kytey, she's on Mars. I think she's the cousin of Dejah Thoris. Of course, she might have moved to Hope by now, with all that cheap booze...

John.

They are all wrong about who won the war then. It must have been John Carter, probably aided by Tarzan.

Rob.

**bumblie3** · 10-17-2010 03:57

You know Kytey, now you mention it, I certainly recall Tarzan running the Huns out of Africa. That'll teach 'em.
John.

**Oberst Hajj** · 10-17-2010 05:41

Originally Posted by rkhlegacy

You mean America did not win WWI all by itself?

Just kidding. I thought it was quite funny.

No, that was WWII! LOL

Nice thread btw!

**CappyTom** · 10-17-2010 06:50

I thought Tarzan ran the Joker out of Gotham city.

Originally Posted by bumblie3

You know Kytey, now you mention it, I certainly recall Tarzan running the Huns out of Africa. That'll teach 'em.
John.

**Flying Officer Kyte** · 10-17-2010 06:59

Originally Posted by CappyTom

I thought Tarzan ran the Joker out of Gotham city.

No that was Botham. ( If you don't play cricket you may not get this)

and if you do play you will probably wish you didn't.
Rob.

**bumblie3** · 10-17-2010 07:09

Sorry Tom, but it was the Penguin he ran out of Gotham city.... That's why he moved to the Antarctic.
John.

**CappyTom** · 10-17-2010 07:13

Oh, then Capt. America ran the snakes out of Hawaii...

**bumblie3** · 10-17-2010 07:27

Ireland too, so I believe.
John.

**Hamburger** · 11-08-2010 15:10

I love free cheap entertainment!!

**Maniac** · 11-08-2010 18:30

Originally Posted by The Black Knight

Ahh, I love American history...

I like British History that conviently forgets we supplied you long before we entered the fight in both wars, thus ensuring you were around to tell us we played little to no part.

The first world war was a virtual stalemate when we entered. It could just as easily have gone the other way had we come in on Germany's side.

Still, it was ammusing none the less.

**Strangely Brown** · 05-21-2012 15:10

Following on from a conversation at Triples, I thought I would repost this for the benefit of those who have not yet seen it...

**Ed2** · 05-21-2012 15:14

Originally Posted by The Black Knight

Following on from a conversation at Triples, I thought I would repost this for the benefit of those who have not yet seen it...

Yes I've seen it before. What's your point!

**Boney10** · 05-21-2012 15:41

Thank you Simon, Ed, I didnt see it the first time, this was for me

**Doug** · 05-21-2012 16:45

Never mind who won what (we all have our different versions of history) back to the original post I thought it was a good explanation and it made me laugh