KY Wings of Glory Derby: Heat #1 & #2

[Setarius]

Joe: Hello Ladies and Gentlemen and a hearty Hello to our servicemen and women overseas listening to us on Unarmed Farces Rodeo. We are coming to you today from the Barkley Aerodromes in beautiful West KY.
I am Joe Garage de Olay and sitting next to me is Howhard Nosmell, hello Howhard.
Howhard: Hel-lo Joe. It..is..great..to..be..here..today..in..beau ti full..West..KY. We..are..approx I mately..25..miles..from..the..center..of..the..sleeping..little..town..of..Paducah..KY..which..is..situated..on..the..banks..of..the..Ohio..River.
We..have..14..beau ti ful..planes..here..today..representing..7..different..countries.
Joe: Your right Howhard these planes are beautiful and look to be in pristine shape. Let's get to the line up for Heat #1 and talk a little about some of these planes and pilots.
Howhard: Let's start with the largest plane in this heat. Jimmy Doolittle and his B-25 bomber.
Joe: Jimmy Doolittle entered the military near the end of WWI and requested to be posted to the European theater of operations. The Armistice ruined that for him so he went back to school. Shortly after WWII broke out Jimmy led 15 B-25's on a daring daylight raid on Tokyo.
Howhard: How about the only lady entered in these races, Lydia Litvjak and her Yak-1.
Joe: As you said, Lydia is the only female in this race and she serves as a fighter pilot for the Soviet Union.
Howhard: Saburō Sakai and his A6M2 Zero
Joe: Saburō Sakai has the nickname of Sky Samurai. He was part of the group that attacked the Philippines on Dec 8, 1941.
Howhard: Franz Götz and his FW190.
Joe: Franz Götz was a Knights Cross of the Iron Crops recipient and was the commander of Jagd 26.
Howhard: Stanislaw Skalski and his Spitfire Mk. IX.
Joe: Stanislaw Skalski is a Polish fighter pilot and became the Commanding Officer of the 317 Polish Squadron.
Howhard: Robert Galer and his Wildcat.
Joe: Robert Galer, Commanding Officer of the 244th Marine Fighter Squadron was stationed at Pearl Harbor on Dec 7, 1941.
Howhard: Robert Thollon and his Dewoitine round out our list of pilots for the first heat.
Joe: Robert Thollon French aviator who took a leave of absence from the air force when France fell to the Nazis and later joined the resistance as a soldier.
Joe: We are close to the start of the race, let's check in with our reporter on the other end of the course Ben Gay. Hello Ben.
Ben: Hello Joe and hello to everyone listening. I'm Ben Gay reporting from a point near Princeton, KY where we will see the planes come out of the west and turn around and go the other way. We are approximately 50 miles from the Barkley Aerodromes. We hope to have a close race when the pilots get here. A mistake during the reversal could make the difference between winning and losing. And now back to Joe and Howhard.
Joe: Thank you Ben. Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen for the start of the race. We will be back for the start after this word from one of our sponsors.
Commercial Break:
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Joe: Welcome back, we are just about ready for the first heat. The planes are in the air heading back toward the start/finish line and we are about to begin the first heat.
Howhard: The starter seems to be satisfied with the alignment. Here they come...
D. W.: BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY BOYS!! LET'S GO RACING!!!
Joe: What was that?
Howhard: I don't know but I heard it as well.
Joe: We had a good clean start. Franz Götz has jumped out to an early lead followed closely by Skalski in his Spitfire and Litvjak close in 3rd. Thollon edges ahead for 4th with Galer and Sakai nose to nose for 5th and Doolittle close behind in7th.
Joe: As they near the 1/4 point of this race Götz has pulled out to a 3/4 length lead over Skalski followed by Litvjak another 1/2 length back in third. Sakai has edged ahead for 4th with Galer and Thollon tied for 5th with Doolittle bringing up the rear another length back. As they approach the halfway point we now go to Ben Gay. Ben.
Ben: Thank you Joe. As they approach the halfway point you can see Franz Götz with about a 1-1/2 length lead over Skalski and Litvjak. As we said earlier the turn around will be important to winning the race.
Ben: Here comes Götz and his 190. Oh my he overshot his turn and gave up valuable ground. Stanislaw Skalski timed his maneuver perfectly and now has the lead on the reversal. Götz is now 2nd followed closely by Litvjak in 3rd, Sakai 4th, Galer and Thollon fighting it out for 5th and OH MY... Jimmy Doolittle just pulled the nose of his B-25 straight up in the air and with engines screaming pulled off an Immelman. I've never seen anything like that covering any airshows. They are heading back to you Joe.
Joe: Thank you Ben. Howhard have you ever seen flying like Jimmy just pulled off?
Howhard: No I haven't Joe.
Joe: As they approach the 3/4 point of this race we have Stanislaw Skalski just barely ahead of Franz Götz by a nose. Lydia is hanging in there in third with Saburō Sakai in 4th and both Galer and Thollon still battling it out for 5th, with Jimmy Doolittle last.
Howhard: The finish line is in sight. Who will take the first heat?
Joe: As they come to the line Franz Götz has pulled out to a one length lead over Skalski and it is another two lengths back to Litvjak. As they cross the finish line it is Götz by a length, Skalski second by two, Litvjak third by two lengths over Sakai for fourth, with both Galer and Thollon crossing at the same time for fifth and Doolittle in seventh by about four lengths.
Howhard: Well Joe we had a good race, a little drama towards the end, and all competitors coming home safe.
Joe: You are right Howhard. We have Götz, Skalski, and Litvjak all advancing to the finals. Ladies and gentlemen we will be back in approximately 30 minutes for the second heat please stay tuned.

[Setarius]

Heat #2

Joe: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. We are about ready for heat #2 of the KY WoG Derby. Once again we are here at the Barkley Aerodromes in beautiful western KY, approximately 25 miles from downtown Paducah, KY, situated on the banks of the Ohio River. I am Joe Garage de Olay and sitting next to me is my partner Howhard Nosmell.
Howhard: Hello Joe and hello to our listeners. In this heat we have another 7 planes with another 3 advancing to the finals. Let's take a look at the pilots in this heat. Once again let's start with the big guy. The Memphis Belle.
Joe: The Memphis Belle was the first B-17 to successfully complete 25 missions in the European theater of operations. The plane was named after pilot Robert Morgan's sweetheart.
Howhard: Adolf Galland and his BF-109
Joe: Adolf Galland fighter pilot for the Luftwaffe and later pilot and commander of the jet fighter group Jagd 44.
Howhard: Chuichi Ichikawa and his Ki-61.
Joe: Chuichi Ichikawa was know for destroying bombers either by shooting them down or ramming them.
Howhard: Spurgeon Ellington and his P-51 Mustang
Joe: Spurgeon Ellington one of the Tuskegee Airmen. He believed there was not a pilot born that could out fly him. He was a school teacher before the war started. After graduation from flight school heflew home for a visit and buzzed the main street in town. He was court martialed and would have gotten away with it if he hasn't bragged about it during court.
Howhard: David Hill and his P-40
Joe: David Hill was a P-40 pilot that flew with the famed Flying Tigers that flew out of China against Japan during WWII. His nickname is Tex.
Howhard: Alexey Kuznetsov and his Hawker Hurricane
Joe: Not much is known about Alexey.
Howhard: Paul Davoud and his Beaufighter
Joe: Paul Davoud, American born Canadian was in the UK in 1941 when he was to organize the 410 Night Fighter Squadron as Squadron Leader. He later assumed command of RCAF 143 Wing.
Joe: We will be ready for the start of the next race after this word from our sponsor.
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Joe: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen we are about ready for Heat #2 of the KY WoG Derby. The planes are in the air and are heading toward the start/finish line. The line up looks good and we are underway.
Joe: Spurgeon Ellington has his P-51 out to an early lead with Galland and Ichikawa close behind fighting for second. David Hill is in 4th, 5th is Davoud, with Kuznetsov 6th and Memphis Belle last. As they near the 1/4 point we have Ellington stretching out his lead to more than a length over Ichikawa, followed by Galland in 3rd and Hill in 4th by a nose. Followed by Davoud in 5th, Kuznetsov and Memphis Belle.
Joe: As we come to the halfway point we go to our reporter Ben Gay. Take it Ben.
Ben: Thanks Joe. I can see the planes approaching fast. It looks like Spurgeon Ellington has a commanding lead. Ichikawa is followed by Galland , Hill, Davoud, Kuznetsov, and Memphis Belle. Spurgeon Ellington hits his turn mark perfectly and increases his lead over 2nd place Ichikawa who increases his lead over 3rd place Galland and 4th place Hill. Joe the Memphis Belle just pulled off a tremendous reversal similar to what we saw out of Jimmy Doolittle in the first heat. They are approaching the 3/4 point so back to you Joe and Howhard.
Joe: Thank you Ben. As they approach the 3/4 point we have Spurgeon Ellington with a commanding lead, Chuichi Ichikawa is 2nd, and it looks like we are going to have a fight for 3rd between Galland and Hill followed by Kuznetsov, with Davoud closing fast on 5th and Memphis Belle last.
As they come to the line it is Ellington on the point Ichikawa in second Galland in 3rd by a nose over Hill. And at the line we Spurgeon Ellington winning followed by Chuichi Ichikawa in second and David Hill pulling even with Adolph Galland to tie for third with Davoud coming in 5th, Kuznetsov 6th, and the Memphis Belle in last.
Joe: Well Howhard we had an interesting race there at the end with a tie for third.
Howhard: You are right Joe. That means we will have 4 planes advance from this heat to the big race. Spurgeon Ellington, Chuichi Ichikawa, Adolph Galland, and David Hill.
Joe: Add to those names the names of Franz Götz, Stanislaw Skalski, and Lydia Litvjak from the first race and we should have quite a show.
Howhard: For Joe Garage de Olay and our field reporter Ben Gay, I am Howhard Nosmell saying goodnight until tomorrow's big race.

[csadn]

I was going to say: "For motorsports, you need Ken Squier and Chris Economaki, not Howard Cosell and Joe Garagiola"; but I suppose one could do worse than "Jaws".... ;)

[Tonx]

This is DEFINITELY being awarded a Reputation Point or two from me for effort and at times hair-raisingly funny humour!

Well done - this is absolutely fantastic

[Gotham Resident]

I love the Derby (I grew up in Lexington). And I love this idea and the commentary is fantastic. I wish I had thought of it!

[Gotham Resident]

I love the Derby (I grew up in Lexington). And I love this idea and the commentary is fantastic. I wish I had thought of it! (but it wouldn't have been quote as good).