The Helldiver Driver’s Song

**Oberst Hajj** · 10-04-2013 05:25

The Helldiver Driver’s Song

Oh Mother, dear mother,
take down the blue star.
Replace it with one that is gold.
Your son is a Helldiver driver;
he’ll never be 30 years old.

The people who work for Curtiss
are frequently good and drunk.
One day with an awful hangover, they designed and built an old clunk.

The wings are built with precision, the fuselage so strong it won’t fail.
Who were the half-witted people
who designed the cockpit and tail?

The skipper hates Helldiver drivers
he doesn’t think much of that clunk.
Each time we fly aboard his carrier,
he prays that his ship won’t be sunk.

My body lies over the ocean;
my body lies under the sea.
My body lies under the ocean
wrapped up in an SB2C!

**csadn** · 10-04-2013 15:40

I have often wondered what was wrong with Curtiss to cause them to build such godawful rubbish during and after the war (to the point it killed the company).

Of course, they weren't a patch on the Mongolian Clusterf*** which was Brewster....

**Diamondback** · 10-04-2013 15:49

My bet is reckless arrogance and resting on their laurels. Bert Kinzey has some interesting musing's on the Helldiver's inadequacies, deficiencies and just plain WTF?!'s in his Detail & Scale volume on the "Son-of-a-B**** 2nd Class"...

**Flying Officer Kyte** · 10-05-2013 01:32

Great Keith. Another song for my collection.
Thanks.
Rob.

**Oberst Hajj** · 10-05-2013 06:34

Originally Posted by Flying Officer Kyte

Great Keith. Another song for my collection.
Thanks.
Rob.

Thought some of you might like that.

**gully_raker** · 10-05-2013 16:56

Please remind me NOT to get a Helldiver model!

**Diamondback** · 10-05-2013 17:03

Actually, the later -4E and -5 models weren't too bad... just that getting there SUCKED because the wheels of development were greased in airmen's blood.

There were also a LOT of allegations of kickback and corruption in the SB2C's selection over more trusty Slow But Deadlies... which I suspect is what really did Curtiss in. Oh, the irony, after Curtiss had been the victim of the Wrights' corrupt and monopolistic practices...

**Doug** · 10-05-2013 20:39

Originally Posted by gully_raker

Please remind me NOT to get a Helldiver model!

Also please remind me not to ask for one

**Marechallannes** · 10-05-2013 21:37

Originally Posted by Oberst Hajj

...My body lies under the ocean
wrapped up in an SB2C!

Dauntless, Helldiver, Devastator, Avenger...

Doesn't matter we need an US carrier based bomber. Ugly, or not.

**csadn** · 10-06-2013 12:21

Originally Posted by Marechallannes

Doesn't matter we need an US carrier based bomber. Ugly, or not. :serious:

There's a card for the Dauntless, in various forms (including the Army model); so I suspect that one will get the nod.

(I also notice how I have pointed out Shocking Inadequacy in *American* designs, and no one's griped about it.... >;) )

**Marechallannes** · 10-06-2013 13:19

I know.

I was so desperated to buy two AIM Dauntless for my Midway campaign and used the plane cards from the "Fire from the Sky" expansion.

**P-51D** · 10-24-2013 18:37

We just need to pray Keith's influence continues to grow with Ares. Then he can get them to commit to the Dauntless. The fact that we don't have one in miniature form is an absolute shame. Then again, I am not one of those willing to buy other options to fill in holes in Ares current line. I figure as long as the planes keep selling, Ares will keep making them and we are bound to get a Dauntless at some point.

**Diamondback** · 10-24-2013 19:35

Not just Keith... I'd suggest each of us cultivate connections with Andrea and Rob--my experience has been that while they may not necessarily embrace all of your ideas, they do at least listen and respond.

STILL want a "Reverse Series 2"... maybe a Dauntless to balance the Val as a carrier dive-bomber, a Shturmovik for the Stuka, a Bf109 B/C/D to balance the Hurricane... but what for another early-war Axis fighter?