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Thread: Posted on the notice board by the Co.

  1. #1

    Default Posted on the notice board by the Co.

    Nigel’s letter from Blighty.

    To all the chaps in the Mess, greetings.

    As you may know, after my last brush with our friends from Jasta 11, I was evacuated to a hospital in Gay Paris. The wound only entailed my sleeping on my front for a few days, but it took a lot longer for my embarrassment to heal, what with nurses wanting to change my dressing every day. How did the drome stand up to the bombing? I expect my kite is a write off, if the shrapnel that got me as I tried to get into the cockpit is anything to go by. Still I have heard in a letter from the Co. that some of you gave a good account of yourselves in the tail chase.
    Lofty Duckworth ended up in the next bed to me, and said that he got one before his plane pranged. Poor blighter will never bowl for Surrey again though.
    Anyway, to cut to the chase, the Dr. said that what I really needed was a spot of R and R, so as you can see from the p.m. here I am back in dear old Blighty. They have seconded me for a while to a Home Defence Squadron to train recruits on Night Fighters, at a little drome near London called Biggin Hill. Not much to look at. Just a few hangers and a command centre, but it is near enough to the City for a good night out.
    I sent a telegram to cousin Nigella (She’s the gal whose name is on the side of my Biff) We met up at Lyons Corner House, and then went on to take in a show in the evening. Saw The Second Mrs Tanqueray at The St James’ theatre. I’d seen it before and thought it a bit long winded but Nigella loved it. Went to the Savoy for a meal after the show, and finally rolled back to the United Services Club after putting Nigella on the train. Absolutely done in, but worth it. Nigella is a real good egg.
    Well enough of all that talk. Tomorrow I start knocking the sprogs into shape, so that we can go looking for Gothas over bally old Kent.
    Till I get back to the Squadron, toodle- pip chaps.
    Nigel.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  2. #2

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    Dear Nigel,
    Glad to hear you're doing fine, just to put your mind at rest you're not the butt of any jokes around the mess! Poor old crate didn't make it I'm afraid, Lawson the base dog has taken up home in it and seems rather comfy so we don't have the heart to evict Her. Give our regards to Nigella and bring back some scram,

    your chum,

    Arthur "Tiffin" Time

  3. #3

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    Dear Tiff.
    Great to hear from you old boy. You are the third of my chums to drop me a line since my unfortunate copping of a packet in the far South. I hear that Kytey has got Joanna standing behind him in the bar again. Well I can tell you that I won't be letting anyone stand behind me for some time. I've even had the armoured seat in the bus replaced by a cushion. I will bring back a selection of rabbits when I get my pass out. Kytey has also asked me to bring back a new phonograph for the mess as he has given up the chance of ever recovering the one Baldrick made orf with. Well will close now as am on early patrol tonight. we are trying out night flying for the first time .What a spiffing wheeze that will be.
    Give my best regards to the chaps.
    Nigel.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  4. #4

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    Dear Nigel,
    Bit of a delicate question old boy, do you remember how many stick granades you used to keep in the old kite? The thing is Lawson has found them in his new doghouse, daft old bugger has been treating them like bones and burying them all over the airfield. If the new boy Whippy Goodhead-Jolly hadn't seen him staggering back from the mess we'd be in a horrid pickle. So, of course, we've dug up the entire place, looks like the Bosch has given it a good going over, needless to say cricket was orf which put us on a sticky wicket with those chaps over at Les Plonk who were due to drop by for an over. Be a sport and tell us how many there are?

    toodle pip,

    Tiffin.

    P.S. The lads loved the tinned pheasant, made a welcome change from the snails I can tell you.

  5. #5

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    Tiffin old socks, no worries. Dog not in doghouse. Sticks not primed. Never trusted Digger Roper not to get carried away and spread them all over our side of the lines. You know how excitable these youngsters can get. glad to hear Lawson is settling in to his new kennel. Give him a pat for me. Oh and take the Very pistol out of its holster before he finds it. that is loaded. Should be back at the drome by the end of the month if I can con the Co. here that the sprogs are ready for some night patrols. Glad you got the tinned pheasant O.K. Will pop into fortnum's next time I'm in town and see if I can get you a hamper sent over.
    Chin chin.
    Nigel.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  6. #6

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    Dear Nigel,

    Good to hear you are on the road to recovery old boy. I hear that two inches lower and the shrapnel would have meant Nigella would have been a very unhappy young lady (as would you be).

    Bad news on the Lawson front, I'm afraid. The armourers had neglected to unload the guns in his new 'kennel' and Lawson pushed the firing button with his bum as he was trying to get comfy. Half a dozen rounds went through the mess wall, shattering the bottle of 50 year old GlenMagonagle we were saving to celebrate a great occasion (such as POETS day). Kytey was last seen loading his Webley with malicious intent in his eye. Any chance you can pop into Harrods on the way back and pick up a new doggie mascot along with the phonograph?

    Johanna came over all faint, as you would expect with a .303 round whistling through her bustle. Fortunately several coves were in the mess at the time and were able to offer the kiss of life and loosen her clothing. Apparently it took over an hour for her to come round, poor gel.

    How lucky to be drafted to Biggin, damn fine huntin' around those parts. Mater and Pater live not far from the aerodrome at Dundribblin Manor, so do feel free to drop in and avail yourself of a charger if you feel like a gallop. Although given the injury you might not want to, old fruit. Perhaps you might just want to borrow a Purdey instead and do a bit of peasant shooting.

    Must go, orft to battle the bally hun for King and Country, what, what?

    Chin up,

    Badger
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  7. #7

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    Great to hear from you Badger old bean. Will avail myself of your kind offer to pop in and see your AP's. Will take your letter along to show them that you are still chipper.
    Pity about Lawson. i just new his bum would get him into bother one day.It must be the only case of a casualty being caused by friendly unfriendly fire.Still the less said about posteriors the better, especially since poor old Joanna is still suffering nightmares from her brush with that prop blade.Must have been an effort to try and put that all behind her again. I should have liked to see Kyte's face when the rounds came through the mess. Yes it was lucky that the wound was not any lower otherwise I would be applying for a job in the Vatican choir by now. Had a good flight last evening. Hit on a bally good wheeze of straping two torches to the side coaming of the cockpit so that I could see the bally dials better. worked a treat until the batteries went flat. Had to land in the dark and that was pretty hairy I can tell you. Needed a stiff one after that, but still looking forward to tonights revels. will take spare battery up. How the heck we are going to spot a Hun up there in the dark is quite another matter.
    Well old stick, must finish now and toddle along to the briefing for tonight.
    TTFN. Nigel.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Guntruck View Post
    Dear Nigel,
    ... Perhaps you might just want to borrow a Purdey instead and do a bit of peasant shooting.

    Must go, orft to battle the bally hun for King and Country, what, what?

    Chin up,

    Badger
    These are great!...thanks guys. Oh, and refresh my memory...what exactly do you do with the dead "peasants"...I hope you don't serve them with the tinned pheasant. Last time I was in F&M they seemed to be all out of peasant...but the chocs were great

  9. #9

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    Dear Jimbo,
    Peasants are revolting, I suggest you hang them in the wood shed for at least 2 weeks to develope a good flavour, serve with lashings of ginger beer and brussel sprouts, just like matron used to dish up! Ah those where the days, that reminds me, must get Nigel to bring back loads of crumpet for toasting,

    chin up,

    Tiffin.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by MayorJim View Post
    These are great!...thanks guys. Oh, and refresh my memory...what exactly do you do with the dead "peasants"...I hope you don't serve them with the tinned pheasant. Last time I was in F&M they seemed to be all out of peasant...but the chocs were great
    We generally hang them for a couple of weeks an then cook them.
    Rob.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  11. #11

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    Sorry, chaps -- not following your banter at all.

    :)

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stormkahn View Post
    Dear Jimbo,
    Peasants are revolting, I suggest you hang them in the wood shed for at least 2 weeks to develope a good flavour, serve with lashings of ginger beer and brussel sprouts, just like matron used to dish up! Ah those where the days, that reminds me, must get Nigel to bring back loads of crumpet for toasting,

    chin up,

    Tiffin.
    Hmmm...never cared much for brussel sprouts..ah, but a good "lashing" to soften 'em up..aye, that's the feudalistic spirit!

    Quote Originally Posted by Flying Officer Kyte View Post
    We generally hang them for a couple of weeks an then cook them.
    Rob.
    LOL! I get it now...kind of a UK equivalent to South African biltong...I preferred the spicy variety; and well dried. Way too funny!!

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by csadn View Post
    Sorry, chaps -- not following your banter at all.

    Chris...it builds off of post #6 (and then#8) where they speak of "shooting peasants"...sorry to spoil it for all others...

  14. #14

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    We should let this post go back to "in character" letters between war chums. I was enjoying the verisimilitude.

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by tuladin View Post
    We should let this post go back to "in character" letters between war chums. I was enjoying the verisimilitude.
    I agree! No more mucking up the art people!!! LOL!
    Ken Head - "The Cowman"
    “You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.” Robin Williams

  16. #16

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    Dear Nigel,

    Had a stinker of a day yesterday, we lost that new French Canadian chap with the name nobody can pronouce, sounds something like Anook. Anyway, the Hun were up like flies in the sky, they seem to have to new kites and some fresh booze to judging by the mad hatter paint schemes they're sporting. Only managed to bag one myself before getting back for eggs and black pudding. Gosh I could murder some deviled kidneys, better than all this northern food I'd say. We were all in a terrible funk I can tell you, then matron walk in with some news. Don't let on to the Winco we call him martron or he'll take the golf clubs away and things are blue enough around here without a litttle light relief.

    Were was I? Oh yes, matron pops by and mentions they'd found Catlick or whatever his name is. Turns out the silly bugger had managed to park his crate in the tree of some froggie farmer, of course the silly peasents can't tell the difference between friend and foe and decide to plet the poor chap with cow dung. Of course he's busy protesting that he's on their side but with his dodgy accent they're convinced he's actually a bosch spy trying to speak french. It was starting to get ugly after that, apparently the old duffer was off inside getting his gun when Tarquin arrived by chance to rescue him. From what 'Quin says Hatrick was so happy to be saved he striped of and ran straight into the duck pond, we've started calling him cannard now of course!

    He's still not talking with 'Quin, something about making him walk home afterwards so he didn't spoil the upholstery on his new Runabout, can't say I blame him mind.

    toodles,

    Tiffin.

    P.S. Mdm. Bumblé was asking after you?

  17. #17

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    Dear Nigel,

    Looking forward to your return to the jolly old mess after teaching the sprogs to fly at night. Have you considered that you may be able to get the training over quicker if you flew during daytime hours but made them wear blindfolds so it looked like it was night?

    We've got some American chappies sharing the field with us now, flying one of those new French machines - so bad that even the Frenchies won't fly them, Nieuport 28's I think they are called. Half of them go out with two wings and come back with one, you know the type. Saw one of their chaps walk away from his newly acquired 'monoplane' all bandy like. Wasn't sure he was a cowboy in a previous existence or just needed a clean pair of britches.

    The Americans don't seem a bad bunch of coves, but you have to talk very slowly as they do not seem to understand the King's English all that well. Trumper Newton told an absolutely spiffing joke the other day that had us rolling about holding our sides, but our friends just stood there looking absolutely bemused. Took Trumper nigh on twenty minutes to explain it to 'em.

    Pater sent a telegram telling me that you called in, and he that is being posted out here as Chief-of-Staff to General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett. The old boy's in a bit a funk over it as he hasn't been anywhere near the sharp end since the Boer War - he was in Bloemfontein when the first shot was fired (and in London when the second shot went off!). Still, hopefully he will be able to fill the Rolls with some home comforts when he comes over, and you may be able to cadge a lift off him; nothing like travelling in comfort, what?

    Must rush, another one of those tedious Nieuports has just pranged, and as duty dog I'll have to point the blood wagon in the right direction.

    As ever,

    Badger
    Last edited by Guntruck; 02-25-2011 at 05:41.
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  18. #18

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    German Intelligence Service Reports:

    Memo: Our enemies must be using a new code. Their correspondence makes no sense. Checking to see if it is still in English.
    Memo review: That is the problem - it is ENGLISH English, certainly not the King's.
    Memo counter check: Not that the Yanks are any easier to understand.

  19. #19

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    German Intelligence Service Reports:

    Memo: Our enemies must be using a new code. Their correspondence makes no sense. Checking to see if it is still in English.
    Memo review: That is the problem - it is ENGLISH English, certainly not the King's.
    Memo counter check: Not that the Yanks are any easier to understand.

  20. #20

  21. #21

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    Badger old fruit.
    Ta awfally for the low down on the hun intel. Dashed good of you. I passed it on to your pater and he was relieved to know that they have made a Bosh of decoding our prattle. He was also good enough to offer that lift to me on the 17th, but i had to refuse as am picking up a new bus to bring over to replace mine. Got through the best part of two bottles of bubbly with the old sport, and a Highland malt so got back pretty squiffy. Pam and Marge send their love and want to know when you are going to get a ticket for a spot over here.Guess they are missing their big bro.
    Well must dash now. Got a date with the hun tonight. Full moon and all that.
    Chin chin. Nigel.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  22. #22

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    Nigel, dear boy,

    Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings and all that, but we lost Lofty Shorthouse yesterday. As you know he was feeling the strain battling the hun for 5 months without a spot of home leave, and was getting rather 'twitchy' of late. Didn't help that that complete arse Bastock kept creeping up and bursting an air-filled paper bag behind him every 5 minutes. I dread to think what his laundry bill came to. But I digress. Yesterday he banged on at length about how aerial warfare was less chivalrous these days, and that it wasn't as much fun as chasing the bally hun in a B.E. armed only with a rifle. He then got the grease monkeys to remove the Vickers from his crate and dug out his old Lee Enfield. Orft he went into the wild blue yonder, like that Donkey Oatey fellow, to have a tilt at the hun.

    Unfortunately he fetched up in front of that red triplane we have spotted a few times, the one with the pilot who is a bit handy. Sadly, he didn't share Lofty's notions of chivalry and poor old Lofty was last seen doing a passable impression of a flaming sieve before spreading himself all over No Man's Land. There wasn't enough left of him to feed a trench rat, apparently. The only good news to be gleaned from all this is that we no longer have to put up with his gibbering while playing a quiet rubber or two of Bridge, so every cloud, etcetera, etcetera.

    The weather was duff last Sunday with flying being scrubbed, so after church parade we challenged the 13th Aero Squadron to a game of cricket. A fiasco, dear boy, a positive fiasco! They insisted on using a long thin stick instead of the favoured willow, and when they did manage to hit the ball ran round the pitch instead of between the wickets. They are absolute bounders as they refused to bowl over arm, and just threw the ball instead. W.G. Grace was no doubt turning in his grave. They even had the effrontery to criticise the after-match cucumber sandwiches, would you believe. Airman Worrell-Thompson spent absolutely ages cutting them into perfect squares as well.

    My kite is currently being patched up after a small tussle with the Purple Helmut and his Jasta 99 boys on the dawn patrol. Bounced them over Polygon Wood, got up close behind an Albatros and gave him what-for, don'tcha know. Bits flew off in all directions and his wings folded like an origami penguin. He went downhill at a hell of a lick, as fast as the Quorn hunt on a good scenting day, but I couldn't follow as I had neglected to keep an eye out behind and the next thing I knew was that Helmut himself was right up my chuff. That fellow is a very decent shot and put a dozen rounds in 'Betsy' before I could react. Fortunatley he didn't manage to perforate my good self and I applied that well-tried tactic of "He who fights and runs away, etc".

    I will close now as I wish to go across to the mess for tiffin. Metcalf's intended - Mildred - has sent him a home-made fruit cake and he has promised us a couple of slices each. They make damn' fine chocks for the kites, even if they are a little heavy. Give my best to Pam and Marge should you see them again. Kiss Pam for me and give Marge one as well, but tell them that home leave is unlikely because of the new German push. Damn this war! Damn, damn, damn this damn war!

    Badger
    Run for your life - there are stupid people everywhere!

  23. #23

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    What ho Badger old chum.
    Damnd bad show about about Bastock, the rotten cad. Please don't mention the word behind again old thing. Still a bit sore about that. Pity about Lofty buying it, for all his faults he was a fine snooker player. Could pot a ball with his eyes shut. Pity his hun potting wasn't as good. Hope you all gave him a good send orf.
    As for the cricket match,if they try that again just make something up about regulation bat sizes, no ball them off the square and give them some shredded Angus in a French roll. I believe that is standard fare in the States. Mind you I always did think that Worrell-Thompson was a bit too fussy. Glad you came orf alright afer having to split-arse back to the lines. i expect you will get him and his little red friend next time.
    Talking of cake reminded me. Did that hamper arrive from Fortnam's in one piece. i hope you and the chaps enjoyed it.
    We have also had some duff weather here, but it looks like a good night for Gotha hunting tonight. Will let you know how it went.
    Keep your pecker up.
    Nigel.

    P.S. The adj seems to be very free with his blue pencil on your letter. Could not read some bits at all. N.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  24. #24

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    Chaps,
    After a couple of napoo nights with squally showers and cloud, we finally had a crack at the Gothas last evening. O.O. finally gave us the O.K. for an O.P. so we donned our Sidcups and hared orf into the inky night. Once up there it was a doddle. The moon was giving a silver sheen to the whole of the city with the Thames running like a stream of quicksilver through the middle of it.
    We had little enough time to marvel at the wonders of the sight, however, for almost immediately the Archie started up and the night was lit up by dozens of searchlights scanning for our nocturnal visitors. I was having a bit of trouble with my mag as we struggled for height and soon fell behind the rest of the busses. When the searchlights picked up a Gotha over the docks, the whole flight made a bee line for the tea party, leaving Y.T. well behind and still trying to gain height.
    Then, suddenly, right above me I saw it , outlined against a patch of moonlit cloud. like big black crow that had somehow avoided the searchlights, my own personal Hun.
    Still gaining height, I slowly gained on the lumbering giant and at about 50 yards, gave it a burst of incendiary right in the belly. No effect whatever chaps, except to elicit a burst of answering fire to a position in which I thought that I was completely safe. That rattled the old crate a bit and one of my torches went out. Still the game was afoot, and with no support nearby it was up to me to do or die. Crack on old lad, I said to myself as another burst of fire arc ked at me through the dark night sky. I returned another good burst, and as I did so as if in answer to my prayers, a searchlight picked out the Gotha above me. As each successive searchlight picked up the plane, I could see it shedding its bomb load. As each clutch dropped the mighty aircraft bucked in the air and rose a little. This allowed me to carry on climbing under it and blasting away with my forward guns. Without its bombs the Gotha started to swing away to start its homeward run. I banked and my observer got off his first rounds of the evening. Swinging onto his tail again , I noticed that he was losing speed, so I overtook him, once again giving my observer a clear shot. Showing the uttermost coolness, with return fire coming from both the enemies forward and rear guns, he put in a long raking salvo, and at long last, a flicker of flame blossomed out from the port engine of the Gotha.
    Slowly at first he began to sink earthwards, and then as the fire took hold, went into a steep dive from which he did not recover.
    Now it was just a matter of getting our battered old Biff back to the field. Were we relieved when we finally saw the flares of the landing strip, and got the old girl down in mostly one piece.
    As soon as I had made my report to the O.D. I went into the mess for a stiff one. The rest of the Squadron were over the moon as it was our first Gotha and that was not the end of it because, ten minutes later my flight leader Dave landed to tell us of his success against yet another Gotha. I will leave it to him to tell his own story for a later date.
    Keep your tails up chaps. Nigel
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  25. #25

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    Good news chaps.
    M.O. finally gave me leave to toddle back across the chanel. Should be with you all tomorrow. Had one last fling in town with Nigella.Bye the way copped a gong for the Gotha, so a good night in the mess is in order.
    Toodle pip. Nigel.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  26. #26

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    Well congratulations Nigel. Bagged a Gotha and a gong. Just had to chip in, as I read the story in "The Times" this morning. It was just under the advertisment for Pears Soap. If you have enough time pop over on your way back ,and and have a beer with the rest of the flight in our mess. After a Gotha the beers are on us.


    Algynon

  27. #27

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    Wilco that Algy.
    I remember the last time I popped in to see you chaps. Had a corker of a good knees up. Expect to arrive about lunch time. Thanks awfully for the invite.
    Nigel.
    "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

  28. #28

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    Look out for the newly unearthed Nigel Letters in the near future. Coming to an airfield near you.

  29. #29

    Thumbs up

    I must say that over here in 2 Sqd AFC we do enjoy reading those letters from the Front in the "RAF Rantings" newsletter although I do have some difficulty being a "Colonial" with some of the syncratic sayings of you "Pommies".
    Not a mention of a Bloke, Shiela, strewth, Bloody, Damn, Furphy etc to be found.
    Well never mind at least you are keeping your chippers up.

    Would you be interested in a Cricket Match one day?
    We found this nice little pewter Urn that might make a nice Trophy to play for.
    Oh by the way all our blokes bowl overarm, well except for that Chapple but we wont bring him.
    Got a couple of reasonably good players called, "Pup" Clark (he really liked the Pup), "Fingers" Warne & "Muddy" Marsh our wicket keeper.
    We can get our hands on a keg of Fosters & some Bundy Rum if you chaps are up to it.

    Cheers "Bow" King.

  30. #30

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    Dear Wing Commander,
    Here in Blighty we are very proud of you Colonials. After all who was it propped up the Empire for 200 years. Things were just tickety boo until that damned common meercat came along and urinated all over the vegtable plot.
    Although, as they originate from South Africa, I expect it was our own fault that they got over here.
    Well as I was saying, for a bunch of convicts originally, you have done very well for yourselves, and never held it against us too much either. Mind you, i'm not so sure about that Cricket team of yours. They seem to have no mercy at all. I think they might have it in for us. Sounds like you have some good players in the offing there. How is that young Dom Bradstreet shaping up? I hear his shed wall is in pretty bad shape.Not bad for a 10 year old.
    We have our eye on a young chap back home in Nottingham. Plays a bit for Nuncargate colliery, as I understand, and he is only 14 or so.
    Plum Warner was telling Pater was telling and myself, on my last leave, that we will have to rely on John Gunn and company for a bit longer, after this lot is over until some new blood comes along. We have lost Blythe, Booth,
    Hutchings, and Moon so far, and I understand that your own Tibby Cotter may have copped a packet also.
    Anyway, old bean, this idea of yours for a match sounds a splendid idea. I will ask the Co. about it when he gets back from GHQ.
    Nigel.

  31. #31

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    I think the idea of a cricket match is top hole! Here we are on about the only patch of France that's been mown in living memory, plenty of space and a bat.

    Saturday afternoon, In front of A flight sheds, UK wing vs Colonies first XI? (weather permitting)

    Sign up on the old noticeboard.

  32. #32

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    Righto chaps. Get your teams selected, and no ringers from other squadrons.

    Nigel.

  33. #33

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    Nice idea chaps. I will get mater to have my whites sent out. I bags opening bat, and I can also bowl a mean googly on occasions.

  34. #34

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    Quote Originally Posted by Algynon View Post
    Nice idea chaps. I will get mater to have my whites sent out. I bags opening bat, and I can also bowl a mean googly on occasions.
    Well that's you and me for the opening partnership, but keep your googlies to yourself eh?.

  35. #35

    Thumbs up

    Bloody good show you blokes!
    We are on for a Match at your convienience & I will get our good mates from 4 Sqd AFC to fly cover. We dont want the damn Huns upsetting things.
    Oh & can we have some decent meat pies with tomato sauce & mushy peas instead of cucumber sangers please. Man need some decent grub during a match.
    Dont mind a Shampoo afterwards though.
    Any chance of some decent French shiela's coming along to watch?
    We might be able to educate them in some Aussie customs!

    Cheers Bow.

  36. #36

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    Right that is fine with me chaps.
    I'm up for Wicket Keeper and young Nigel usually goes in at number three, and is a good first change medium fast R.H. bowler.
    Pity Kyte is away as he usually bats at four and is in the bar at 5.
    Rob.

  37. #37

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    Right then Barry,

    I propose to run the cricket match using the paper and pencil rules from Boardgame Geek. 20 overs each way.

    Do you want to download the rules and run the Rest of the Empire/Commonwealth/Colonies/World innings or are you content to let me do the "commentary"?

    Good people who are interested let Barry (de facto skipper of the rest of the world first eleven) and me know your side, batting/bowling skills and preferences and we'll draft in some of the fitters and riggers to make up numbers as and when.

    Watch this space.

  38. #38

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    Bilbo old chap,

    I know you tend to fly the planes with crosses on but if anyone can be relied on to understand the LBW rules and stand as a figure of unimpeachable neutrality when it comes to Saturday's cricket match it's you (you may have noticed some of the planning)

    Would you mind terribly doing the honours?

    Much appreciated

    Algy (Dave)
    Algy! If it isn't the barmy old devil himself!

    I say, putting one's leg before the wicket isn't only a serious breach to etiquette and above all to fair play, but I consider it a veritable crime against civilisation! It's barbarianism of the worst kind if you ask me and should be punished accordingly.

    Of course I could detect a clear case of leg before wicket, but the thought just occurred to me, you know, as thoughts do, that besides this particular rule and the fact that sometimes a googly is involved, I have no knowledge whatsoever of that sport.
    Worse still, every time I asked one of your fellow countrymen about it, he managed to loose my somewhat shortened attention span by telling me that one can be out and in at the same time. Then, still labouring under the delusion of my complete understanding of his explanation, he took it upon himself to enumerate all 41 laws of cricket! It was only my cool head and my undoubtedly wast Thespian powers that saw me through the rest of his elucidations.
    Finally, I had to resort to buying a specially printed tea towel to get the most basic explanation.

    Were it not for that little snag, I'd be sitting here just waiting to pounce on that marvellous chance to help out!

    Yours very truly, toodle-pip, season's greeting and all!

    Bilbo, Esq.

    PS: Actually, come to mention it, I haven't noticed any planning at all and, as honoured as I feel that you chose me, am at wits end about what on earth your are talking about.
    PPS: sorry, too much P.G. Wodehouse lately...
    PPPS: Obviously, I have found the "planning" now....

  39. #39

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    Umpires: Petitbilbo and Mr T Towel it is then

  40. #40

    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by AlgyLacey View Post
    Right then Barry,

    I propose to run the cricket match using the paper and pencil rules from Boardgame Geek. 20 overs each way.

    Do you want to download the rules and run the Rest of the Empire/Commonwealth/Colonies/World innings or are you content to let me do the "commentary"?

    Good people who are interested let Barry (de facto skipper of the rest of the world first eleven) and me know your side, batting/bowling skills and preferences and we'll draft in some of the fitters and riggers to make up numbers as and when.

    Watch this space.
    Crikey Algy thats bloody decent of you mate.
    Us Aussies do respect that the Pommies can be trusted with Sports results.
    Just make sure there is none of that Bodyline stuff allowed else there might be a "All In" more like a Bar Fight than a Gentlemans Cricket Match.
    I shall see if I can rope in a few Kiwis, South Africans & the odd Indian to pad out our 12. Some damn good spin bowlers in the sub continant you know. Mind you not a patch on old Warnie of course. I believe "Tubby" Taylor one of the riggers over in 4 Sqd might be available. Good N0. 3 batsman that "Tubby"!
    Got my eye on a decent fast bowler called Ray Finwall from 209 Sqd.
    Hopefully we will get some volunteers from the NZ'ers & Safricans.
    Hopeing to hear from you again soon.
    Cheers Bow & Barry.
    Last edited by gully_raker; 06-01-2012 at 19:08.

  41. #41

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    On the theme:


    *
    THE FIRST to climb the parapet
    With “cricket balls” in either hand;
    The first to vanish in the smoke
    Of God-forsaken No Man’s Land;
    First at the wire and soonest through,
    First at those red-mouthed hounds of hell,
    The Maxims, and the first to fall,—
    They do their bit and do it well.
    *
    Full sixty yards I’ve seen them throw
    With all that nicety of aim
    They learned on British cricket-fields,
    Ah, bombing is a Briton’s game!
    Shell-hole to shell-hole, trench to trench,
    “Lobbing them over” with an eye
    As true as though it were a game
    And friends were having tea close by.
    *
    Pull down some art-offending thing
    Of carven stone, and in its stead
    Let splendid bronze commemorate
    These men, the living and the dead.
    No figure of heroic size,
    Towering skyward like a god;
    But just a lad who might have stepped
    From any British bombing squad.
    *
    His shrapnel helmet set atilt,
    His bombing waistcoat sagging low,
    His rifle slung across his back:
    Poised in the very act to throw.
    And let some graven legend tell
    Of those weird battles in the West
    Wherein he put old skill to use,
    And played old games with sterner zest.
    *
    Thus should he stand, reminding those
    In less-believing days, perchance,
    How Britain’s fighting cricketers
    Helped bomb the Germans out of France.
    And other eyes than ours would see;
    And other hearts than ours would thrill;
    And others say, as we have said:
    “A sportsman and a soldier still!”
    *
    Last edited by AlgyLacey; 06-01-2012 at 00:22.

  42. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by AlgyLacey View Post
    Umpires: Petitbilbo and Mr T Towel it is then
    We will both serve with fairness, rigour and above all Germanic impartiality.
    So, what's the current rate for bribery?
    Just kidding! Kidding I tell you!

    (No, but seriously, what's the rate?)



    petitbilbo and his tea towel

    Click image for larger version. 

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    Last edited by petitbilbo; 06-01-2012 at 00:44. Reason: picture

  43. #43

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    Nice tea towel Bilbo, and eminently suitable for that process. However, for explaining the nuances of the King of sports, it fails to grasp the simplicity of the rules. In fact it is overcomplicated.
    Rob.

  44. #44

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    Just saw the first part of your post Bilbo.
    The current rate is about three years, a fine of Ł2000 and a ten year ban from the sport.
    Rob.

  45. #45

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    Quote Originally Posted by Flying Officer Kyte View Post
    Just saw the first part of your post Bilbo.
    The current rate is about three years, a fine of Ł2000 and a ten year ban from the sport.
    Rob.
    Golly!
    In that case, I'll have to ask all participants to pass me their bribes with utmost discretion!
    Wouldn't want to get caught now, would we?

  46. #46

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    This whole thread is killing me!

  47. #47

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    Quote Originally Posted by petitbilbo View Post
    Golly!
    In that case, I'll have to ask all participants to pass me their bribes with utmost discretion!
    Wouldn't want to get caught now, would we?
    Gentlemen, I have come up with a solution to our mutual bribing problem!
    As I expect everybody to bribe me, one could surmise that in order not to offend all other bribers, I'd remain impartial after all.
    In that case, please consider any amount paid not simply as a bribe but as a commonly paid salary or fee for services rendered.
    As there is no law against the payment of honorary fees, the risk of getting caught for bribery is very strongly diminished, so as to vanish altogether.

    May I remind you that I prefer cash above checks and that a larger sum will get you a higher place in my esteem?
    May I also remind you that the donation of genuine plans of attack by your forces against ours or any other secret documents will be regarded as the equivalent of a very hefty sum indeed?
    Whatever the case, let's be good sports about it...

    Have a very nice afternoon, toodles and whatnot, yours faithfully,

    Bilbo, Esq.
    Last edited by petitbilbo; 06-01-2012 at 02:53.

  48. #48

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    Talking about that Bilbo brings up a whole new issue. I trust that the Captains have taken on board the matter of Gentlemen and Players.
    I am sure we need to include some of the latter, as we will need a Wicket Keeper, and some fast bowlers from amongst the men. Also what is the ruling on Gentleman having servants to do the fielding for them.
    Rob.

  49. #49

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    I'm afraid with the servant issue we're going to have to say Batsmen also have to field. Batmen do not unless they also bat.

    Anyone who has an preexisting leg injury may have a runner (as long as it isn't Cpl Watkiss who is an absolute whippet - even pye-eyed I saw him outdistance a pack of RMPs in town the other night with ease even though his weaving from side to side meant he must have covered twice the distance the Redcaps ran)
    Last edited by AlgyLacey; 06-01-2012 at 05:30.

  50. #50

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    [barrel-rolls a Reliant Robin onto the middle of the field, ending up inverted]

    Um -- I say -- a little help here, please?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bIn_ZgHJaE , at 9:59....

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